“For 20 years, I drank. I missed birthdays, sports, parent-teacher conferences. My kids never knew if they were getting the calm, sober mom or the angry-drunk mom. Guilt ate me alive and my sobriety turned me into a new person: the yes mom. Volunteer as a coach for my daughter’s softball team? Sure thing! Soccer team needs a manager? Oh, me, me. I’ll do it! I was in over my head. I thought this PTO gig would make it up to my kids, but I was DONE.”
‘Eff the PTO!’ I wanted to throw my computer against the wall. I was DONE. AA meetings? I stopped going altogether.’: Mom quits PTO to focus on sobriety, now works on ‘being present with kids’ instead of ‘giving too much’ to make up for ‘past failures’
‘I never thought I’d be one of ‘those’ people. You know, the ones who lose control of their lives and spiral. Turns out, I’m wrong.’: Woman learns to ‘celebrate imperfections’ after trip to psych ward, reminds us failing is only ‘human’
“My partner and I kept arguing. Stress mounted. Next thing you know, I was dry heaving, teeth chattering. I just lost it. All of it. For the next 24 hours, I couldn’t speak to anyone from the outside, not even my husband. The paper scrubs the emergency room had given me had to come off, leaving me naked, shaking, and disoriented. How was this even real? I felt like I was watching a scene from a movie, rather than participating in my own life. But it was happening, and it was REAL.”
‘There’s no quick fix. There WILL always be a next panic attack, a next day of self-harm or cloud of doubt. I started to feel I wasn’t enough for him. I couldn’t pray away the dark times.’
“There’s nothing I want more than to see his beautiful smile. But part of being in love with someone struggling with mental health is dealing with the ugly. It’s true what they say. There is always a light at the end of the tunnel. But there’s also a damn dimmer switch in that tunnel too.”
‘At my lowest point, I snapped and bought a gun. I was almost a school shooter.’: Man overcomes abusive childhood, bullying, ‘Kindness stopped me from doing the worst thing imaginable’
“When you’ve been told you’re ‘worthless’ enough times, you’ll believe it. I had no home and often slept outdoors. The isolation and bullying became unbearable. I wanted to feel an emotion other than pain. I wanted to feel, for once, like I was in control. If I’d possessed a rifle, I would have been a killer. If I’d known love, I would have never wanted a rifle.”
‘If you EVER speak out, I know where the bullets are.’ I walked in the snow for miles in short sleeves. I woke up in the hospital, angry I survived, and pulled out all the hospital tubes.’
“I looked up from my bed and saw my mother and sister at the door. The look in their eyes is something I never want to see again. I feared that I had to be cured. I wish I had seen the warning signs.’
‘I had to leave my 5-month pregnant wife behind. I was completely alone. ‘Am I cut out to be a dad?’ I showered and climbed into bed. Then it began. ‘THUMP, THUMP.’
“‘Does she even miss me? Is my wife going to love me after this long separation? Would I be able to provide for my family?’ My heart started beating louder. LOUDER. I started sweating profusely. It was 4 a.m. I began to panic.”
‘I was screaming at the top of my lungs, ‘Bryan, wake up! I need you. Don’t leave me.’ It was hidden in something. He had been clean. That is it.’
“My parents started calling every recent number, desperately searching for their child. When someone finally answered, they laughed and taunted my dad when he said he was looking for his son. They LAUGHED.”
