mental health

‘I was lying on a ‘friend’s’ kitchen floor. Standing over me were paramedics and a police officer. ‘You’re lucky we’re not busy today,’ the cop looked at me and said. I lied to everyone.’

“I met someone. The wrong someone. A friend. Or so I thought. I was catapulted into a world no one should experience. It was raining. The sky was black and the storm wasn’t letting up. I felt this strong feeling of evil hanging around me that day. My ‘friend’ was with me. I looked in the mirror and at that point, I knew.”

‘My daughter saw a spa day on TV and asked if we could ‘belax’ and have one too. After some contemplation, I thought, ‘Why not?’

“My daughter’s face was priceless. She squealed just like a sweet little girl you’d see in a movie when I said yes. As mothers, it can feel like we’re barely treading water. But we must also remember that our children need time to self-care too. There’s a universe of emotion going on inside their heads each day that we don’t know about.”

‘There’s no quick fix. There WILL always be a next panic attack, a next day of self-harm or cloud of doubt. I started to feel I wasn’t enough for him. I couldn’t pray away the dark times.’

“There’s nothing I want more than to see his beautiful smile. But part of being in love with someone struggling with mental health is dealing with the ugly. It’s true what they say. There is always a light at the end of the tunnel. But there’s also a damn dimmer switch in that tunnel too.”

‘The self-talk has to stop. Motherhood is not sunshine and rainbows. It’s mundane many days. I lose my patience. I screw up. I have unwashed dishes in the sink, crumbs on the floor.’

“There’s guilt. Pressure. Unrealistic expectations. How many times have you lain awake going through the to-do list of tomorrow while thinking about everything you didn’t accomplish today? All of the ‘should haves’ replaying in your mind. How are we ever going to get ahead when we are stuck in the guilt of yesterday?”

‘My boyfriend would sit on Tinder, sending sexts to women he’d hooked up with the night before. I still loved him and gave him the benefit of the doubt. It was the biggest mistake I ever made.’

“As weeks went by, we continued to live together. I thought there was a chance we could get back together. Then I found he’d been holding online relationships with several women, sending pornographic videos, and arranging meet ups. He claimed it was because he had no self-confidence and needed people to flirt with.”

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