“I started crying a lot and cutting myself. I began smoking cigarettes and drinking. I was stoned all the time. I still missed my father. Every time I saw him in town, he walked away. He ignored me, pretending I didn’t exist. And he still does, and has for 11 years.”
‘I wouldn’t mind if I didn’t wake up.’ I was starving for love, I wanted to be someone’s whole universe.:’ Young woman with Borderline Personality Disorder describes issues with love and boundaries, says she is fighting and working on ME’
‘I remember blood all over the counter, a calm look on my mom’s face. At 13, she sent me to get bandages for her ‘accidental’ cut.’: Woman shares healing journey after mother’s suicide
“I’ve been to my mom’s grave twice. In 20 years. You won’t find a single photo of her in my home. I know this wasn’t her fault. It doesn’t change the effects her illnesses have had on me. None of it changes that her 60th birthday is not a birthday at all, because she is dead. I want to honor her, I really do. But I can’t face the woman who tried to break me.”
‘At 18, it was my turn to hospitalize my mother. Was my fate sealed? My dad assured me I was different.’: Daughter struggles with mom’s bipolar disorder, how a ‘pivotal moment’ helped her heal
“Purple has always been Mom’s favorite color. She was a devoted, loving mother to 3 children. But at age 13, purple and I became enemies on an unforgettable day. My normally reserved Mother sat on her purple chair beside the purple table babbling nonsensically about her purple 10-dollar bill. That night was the first of many times Mom was hospitalized.”
‘I never thought I’d be one of ‘those’ people. You know, the ones who lose control of their lives and spiral. Turns out, I’m wrong.’: Woman learns to ‘celebrate imperfections’ after trip to psych ward, reminds us failing is only ‘human’
“My partner and I kept arguing. Stress mounted. Next thing you know, I was dry heaving, teeth chattering. I just lost it. All of it. For the next 24 hours, I couldn’t speak to anyone from the outside, not even my husband. The paper scrubs the emergency room had given me had to come off, leaving me naked, shaking, and disoriented. How was this even real? I felt like I was watching a scene from a movie, rather than participating in my own life. But it was happening, and it was REAL.”
‘There’s no quick fix. There WILL always be a next panic attack, a next day of self-harm or cloud of doubt. I started to feel I wasn’t enough for him. I couldn’t pray away the dark times.’
“There’s nothing I want more than to see his beautiful smile. But part of being in love with someone struggling with mental health is dealing with the ugly. It’s true what they say. There is always a light at the end of the tunnel. But there’s also a damn dimmer switch in that tunnel too.”
