“Our world crumbled beneath us. ‘Why is my body not working?’ I thought I didn’t deserve to have a baby or experience motherhood. I didn’t know when or how, but I still had faith it would happen. I felt it deep within my soul.”
‘You have a 2% chance.’ My husband and I sat on the exam table, crying uncontrollably. I believed I wasn’t good enough to be a mother. I was bitter. ‘WHY is everyone else getting pregnant?’
‘Everyone poops during labor,’ she warned. It was my first time. I couldn’t stop asking questions. ‘Is it normal my water hasn’t broken yet?’ ‘Should I push? When do I push?’
“My questions didn’t stop there. ‘Is the baby okay?’ He was covered in white slime. ‘Should he be that color?’ I felt so completely unprepared. These women never looked at me and said, ‘That isn’t my job.’ That is a hero.”
‘What’s wrong?’ My tattoo artist emerged from the back, visibly shaking and crying. ‘I just HAD to take in this moment.’: Mom loses twins, ‘uncommon’ first names combine to match name of tattoo artist’s late grandmother
“He’d gone back to trace the footprints of my babies, Leonor and Buchanan, both stillbirths. I was wondering what was taking so long, and started to worry my tattoo couldn’t be done. ‘I don’t want you to think I’m crazy,’ he said. ‘But my grandmother’s name was Leonor Buchanan. She just passed.’ I looked at him in complete shock and disbelief.”
‘It was midnight and everyone was asleep. I texted my friend, ‘Come quick! I need you. Lots of blood.’ I prayed she’d wake to the sound of her phone.’
“On a whim, I decided to download a dating app. I came across a man who was in the Army. I knew he was ‘the one’ the moment I saw his photo. At first sight, I was in love. Something I had never felt before.”
‘He went pale, stuttered and said, ‘Ma’am, one of your baby’s is in your birth canal, feet first.’ People started flying in. I begged him to give them more time.’
“By the time the helicopter arrived, conditions were too dangerous. I assumed we would be rushed, lights blazing and sirens blasting to the next hospital. I kept asking when a doctor would get around to me. A resident finally came in. His face immediately gave him away.”
‘I grabbed my belly and screamed, ‘YOU’RE WRONG MY BABY GIRL IS FINE YOU WILL SEE!’ My heart started racing. I asked again, in a panic. ‘Please let me see my baby?!’
“A month after my first ultrasound, my boyfriend started getting sick. I finally made him go to the doctor because he started puking up blood.”
‘I’m not pregnant. Yes, that’s an ultrasound, with my name, a recent date, but I am not pregnant…well, not anymore.’
“Why is my body not strong enough? What is wrong with me? What am I doing wrong? Why is this happening to me? What if I can’t have anymore kids, will my husband leave me?”
