miscarry

‘They are ours forever,’ I told my husband as tears ran down my face. ‘We have twins. They’ve been moved due to limited beds.’ I read that text a million times. Our day had finally come.’

“I told my student I had to talk to his dad about his behavior. He turned around. ‘He is not my dad, he is my case worker. I don’t have a mom or dad. I am in foster care.’ I was shocked and speechless. I wanted to wrap my arms around him. During dinner, I had a conversation with my husband.”

‘Holy FREAKING COW,’ I yelled. FOUR babies?! Is that even possible? I wasn’t even doing IVF! There must be a mistake, I can’t be having four babies! But there they were, quadruplets.’

“The doctor gasped, ‘Oh.’ I couldn’t bring myself to look. But when I did, there were 2 babies – twins! ‘Oh my goodness, oh my goodness.’ But wait. Now it’s triplets?! How. Does. This. Happen. We would need a bigger house. Then, she replied, ‘‘No, all FOUR are healthy with heartbeats.’ FOUR?!?!”

‘I got with my boyfriend in July. By November, I was pregnant. We had been ‘irresponsible.’ We dealt with it. I convinced myself I’d killed my baby. I couldn’t look at my daughter without crying.’

“The thing is, I also got pregnant many years before at age 24. It was the first time I’d had unprotected sex, and I had split up with the father. Having a termination was my only option. This has hugely troubled me the past 3 years, but I’m not ashamed to talk about it.”

‘Have you been taking fertility meds?’ No! We tried for 1 child, and spontaneously got 3. TRIPLETS! It felt like, Us: ‘Let’s have another kid.’ Universe: ‘Hold my beer.’

“We had a narrow window to get pregnant before our son’s next heart battles. By week 7 I knew something was different. I remember turning to my husband and telling him, ‘Either pregnancy as you get older is exponentially harder, or we are having twins.’ I’m pretty sure that sealed our fate.”

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