“It was a total blowout, oozing out of his pull-up and straight down his legs. I felt like a bad mom. I bent down to rummage through my bag for wipes. As I stood back up, the man was still there. Still staring.”
‘Excuse me, ma’am. He pooped in the tunnel. We have to get everyone off the playground so it can be sanitized.’ The gentleman’s face was squished in anger and frustration.’
‘Yes, I punched my child, but I did it out of love. It was a subconscious effort to battle my ridiculous fear of spiders and save my child from being eaten whole.’
“My baby is sitting in the flowers. ALL OF A SUDDEN, A MASSIVE WOLF SPIDER MAKES HIS DEBUT ON HER MOTHER LOVIN’ DRESS! It sees me, I see him, and we lock eyes.”
‘I call Leo in. He looks at it, cocks his little head to the side. And then, obviously, I yelled at it. The spider ran. Leo starts screaming. The louder he screams, the faster the spider pursued him.’
“Let me share with y’all a massive mom fail I experienced. I noticed this toy for sale. They’re called ‘Yellies’ and the louder you yell at it, the faster it goes. Being the mother of a naturally loud and boisterous kid, I thought it would be the perfect Christmas present…”
‘Out of NOWHERE, a bird flies at me AND LANDS ON MY CHEST. And then I scream. THE BIRD HAD LATCHED ONTO MY SHIRT WITH ITS FEET’
“I want you to picture this. A quiet pool. Cool moms lounging in the sun. People talking about how hot it was. And then out of nowhere, a grown woman piercing the silence with screaming, swatting at a bird flapping on her chest, squawking in her face. Just picture it.”
