“I cry. I WEEP into my cold coffee. The mom guilt consumes me and I feel like I’m failing my kids. I was also unaware that hemorrhoids can last for months at a time. I’m scared.”
‘It appears I have everything under control and life is a breeze. That ‘breeze’ is actually 80 mph hurricane winds, and I’m hanging on for dear life.’
‘When you hear, ‘twin one is fine, but…’ your life is about to change. When I finally saw him after his birth, I could hardly process the absence. It was a blank, featureless canvas.’
“When I woke hours later, my partner and I were met by the serious face of one of the pediatricians. There is no way to explain how I felt at that moment, other than devastated. I was convinced I must have done something during my pregnancy to cause this.”
‘The baby suddenly gagged and then violently vomited what seemed to be a weeks’ worth of breast milk. I held her up and she was lifeless. She was unresponsive.’
“I immediately told my oldest to dial 9-1-1. She was trembling. I was trying to figure out if the baby was breathing. I realized my oldest was unable to call; she dialed 1-9-9 in utter fear.”
‘My son broke his arm yesterday, near his wrist. I am to blame. I told him he was fine. I lied.’
“‘BAM,’ ‘CRASH,’ he hit the ground. He hit the ground hard. I ‘got on him’ verbally for crying and being too dramatic.”
‘I didn’t love my daughter at first sight. I look at that picture and cringe. I just wanted to be left alone. I felt so heartless.’
“There the nurse was, taking this baby’s head and shoving it into my boob to start breastfeeding. ‘She’s your baby!’ I would tell myself, ‘just bond with her.’ I’ve made a huge mistake here.”
