mom humor

‘All I heard was ‘buzz.’ I start whispering, ’Oh no, oh no, oh no!’ I was missing HALF my eyebrow.’: Woman hilariously recalls drastic eyebrow trimming fail, ‘It was down to the stubs!’

“Four words for you – ‘As seen on TV.’ I have had this dang brow trimmer boxed in my bathroom cupboard for over 2 years now. I came home the other night and my husband had it all unboxed, using it on his mustache. ‘What the heck?! Why haven’t you ever opened this? It’s awesome!’ I laughed. ‘Well, at least someone is using it.’ The next morning, I see it sitting in the corner and thought, ‘What the heck!’ Oh boy, was I wrong.”

‘Hey friend, I’m coming over. Please don’t clean up. Please don’t dress up.’: Mom doesn’t want friend to ‘apologize’ for being messy, ‘don’t stress the mess’

“Get ready to answer your door. Please don’t apologize. Please don’t freeze up. Please don’t clam up. Please just BE. Allow me to do the same. If you need to whine, I’m all ears. If you need to wine, I’ll bring a bottle. I’m coming over to support, help, empathize and entertain. I’m not coming over to speculate, assess, criticize or mock.”

‘AND I told them about your beehive!,’ he blurts out. Y’all, like a child caught red handed. He confessed to everything.’: Mom pens hilarious open letter to the nosy neighbor who called 911 on her beehive

“To my surprise, a cop was just pounding on our door. Someone called about our garbage cans being by the garage door. THE AUDACITY!! I said, ‘Oh my God! TOTALLY fine, I’m sorry.’ But then I was also like, ‘Waiiiiit a sec… screw whoever called on us!’ Ok, Petty Boop. Come to my house and knock on the door – we all know each other VERY well. Then out of NO WHERE, the officer says, ‘That’s a big beehive you got there!’ I felt like someone noticed my but looked good. I love that thing so much. ‘OMG ISN’T IT AMAZING?!’ Then it clicked. How DARE you!”

‘Where is my fridge?’ I asked, annoyed. I tapped my foot, waiting. ‘What?’ My jugular started pounding.’: Mom hilariously recalls really ‘bad day’ with teenage daughter when she lost her temper

“I came home from work, tired and weary. I crawled out of my car and shuffled past it. The open space where the mini fridge USED to be. ‘Did I get burglarized?’ Then, steam poured from my ears. ‘Teenagers!!!,’ I exclaimed. I balled my fists, losing my ever-loving mind. Oh, they know. Momma is ticked.”

‘Oh… My… Gosh… that’s a dong.’ CAN Y’ALL BELIEVE THIS?! My daughter is on a giant red rocket!’: Mom in hysterics after spotting innocent daughter on penis-looking playground structure at recess

“I can’t wait to see what my angelic 5-year-old is up to today. I open the album titled ‘recess’ and OH MY GOSH – There. She. Was. IN ALL HER GLORY. I immediately called my husband. WHO DESIGNED THIS PLAYGROUND EQUIPMENT?! I am cryyyyiinnngg. This is not a drill. I repeat… this is NOT a drill.”

‘The man yells, ‘Look! These are yours. They fell out of that box. I’m your mailman!’: Woman hilariously recalls run-in with Amazon Prime deliveryman who picked up her ‘new butt’ underwear

“I saw a man walk onto my porch, then he bent down like he was hiding. So, I was like, ‘Hell no, you aren’t about to steal my Halloween decorations.’ I grab a baseball bat and the dog, open the door, jump out and literally yell ‘Freeze!’ The man stands up, and he’s holding a pair of underwear. I’m like, ‘You dirty old man, you’re on my porch smelling underwear.’ I’m out here swinging this baseball bat and he’s screaming, ‘Wait! Wait!’”

‘It’s not how you look, it’s how you FEEL!’: 8-year-old rocks red ball gown in school pictures, mom can’t argue with her confidence

“‘Click, click, swoosh, swoosh’ was all I heard as my 8-year-old daughter emerged from her bedroom. It was just after 7:30 a.m. – she was wearing silver high heels and a floor-length, red, jeweled, ball gown. My initial thought was, ‘She must think it’s Saturday.’ It was indeed a school-day. Not only that, it was the all-important, everlasting PICTURE DAY! Oh, she knew.”

‘Yup, you have it too. Sorry, babe.’ NOT ME TOO! I was so grossed out. I was itchy. Why us?!’: Mom relives horror of 4 kids infesting home with lice, urges other parents to ‘admit’ when family has it

“We were standing at the bus stop when my daughter was scratching her head. Um, why is she scratching so much? I watched her for a minute, and could tell this was serious. Instant panic. LICE! My whole body went into hysteria. I had 4 thick, curly heads looming before me. Crap, what about my OWN head? Oh God. Tim… please… check… my… head… He parted my hair, examining it with his phone’s flashlight.”

‘I have to go the bathroom,’ my husband says, handing me the diaperless baby with poop on his hands. He rushes off.’: Mom quickly realizes she does NOT want another child after initially thinking she does thanks to friend’s precious newborn

“I met my friend’s new baby! I smelled the newborn goodness. I watched her little mouth open while she yawns and holds my thumb. Then, I felt a familiar sensation… my ovaries start to go off like firecrackers, like my little uterus has pressed the red button and is screaming MAYDAY! MAYDAY! We need a fetus!! I message my husband saying, ‘One more?'”

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