mom jokes

‘Do I need to separate you two?,’ the flight attendant asked. Wait. WHAT? I looked up from my magazine, confused. My kid sniffled. ‘Nothing gets better at 30,000 feet,’ she continued.’: Mom hysterically recalls run-in with rude flight attendant

“My first thought was, ‘Does your ATTITUDE, Janet?’ This was all because my 16-year-old daughter had to leave her boyfriend behind to see her sister graduate from COLLEGE. I thought she would ballet leap onto the plane. I was wrong, friends. I was so wrong.”

‘My son was screaming, ‘That thing on her chest popped!’ The doctor bandaged it up and told me to change it once a day. Um, yeah. Ok. Have you ever tried taking a bandage off a 4-year-old? Like giving a cat a bath.’: Brother ‘never leaving’ little sister alone after dad dies

“My son came in. He knew he had to act. He took a bandage from the counter and presented his little sister with a simple question. ‘If I put this bandage on me, and let you take it off, will you let Mom take off yours?’ She pondered the idea, then nodded in agreement. He was going to protect her forever.”

‘He’s LOST. HIS. MIND. ‘What in the actual hell are you doing?’ Then I saw it. The glassy eyes.’: Wife hilariously recalls first time she ever saw her husband drunk

“I peek into the bathroom. He is NAKED, on the toilet with his face in a garbage can. He hears me shriek with laughter and screams, ‘CLOSE THE DOOR DANIELLE!!’ Me: ‘You drink a little too much?’ Justin: ‘NO! It was the chicken wings.’ I am DOUBLED OVER laughing at how ridiculous this is, and how stupid he thinks I am.”

‘When I was a little girl, we knew if mom came home with chocolate cake, we better shut up. We all knew what cake meant. Something had not gone right, and Momma was NOT happy.’: Woman recalls how late husband always knew how to fix her ‘bad day’

“My brother would do the recon. Sneak down the hall, hide behind the china hutch, peek around the kitchen door until he had an unobstructed view. No cake? Life went on. Yes cake? He’d army crawl back to my room with fear and panic on his face, and squeak out the word, ‘caaaakkkkeeee!'”

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