“I screamed, asking if it was her cord that caused it over and over.”
‘As soon as she checked with the doppler she knew. And deep down I knew. I just prayed I was wrong. All I could get out is ‘why isn’t it flickering?’ They just said ‘we are trying to figure that out.’
‘He slipped something in my drink. He had a razor blade. He ‘accidentally’ sliced my thigh. I took photos of the blood dripping down my leg. When I woke up, the photos were deleted.’
“I met someone new. Someone who made me feel alive again. Six months later, I found out I was pregnant. Then I received devastating news.”
‘David and I have been pregnant 8 times. ‘I just took a pregnancy test. It’s positive.’ I sat on the toilet staring at the positive test until my legs went numb. This was not a part of our plan.’
“Despite the odds, the ‘treatment’ was unsuccessful. Our little fighter continued to grow. Something in my gut didn’t feel right about a second injection, so I refused. I pushed her to keep looking. ‘Wait, what’s that?’ The doctor turned back towards the screen. I saw our little baby for the first time. I instantly wept.”
‘If we don’t get approved, it’s my fault.’ His older brother and dad disowned him when he came out. He hasn’t spoken to his birth mom for 8 years.’
“She advised ‘Pudding’ would be be better suited with two men as he wasn’t a fan of women.”
‘Is it normal to hate your baby?’ I was desperately begging for God to kill her. What’s wrong with me? I was terrified of what I would do to her.’
“I decided I would talk to my OBGYN when I went for my next check up. Little did I know, I wouldn’t be able to make it until then.”
‘Doctors told me I was ‘lying.’ I hadn’t started my period. Before I took the birth control, I took a pregnancy test. It was POSITIVE!? We bought 5 more tests. All of them were positive!’
“I was having vivid, strange dreams. A neighbor said, ‘Are you pregnant?’ I said ‘no’ and cried. A switch flipped in me. I became crazy emotional. I was having day dreams about drilling a hole in my head or cutting it off. I went to doctor after doctor. They all said that it was because of my weight.”
‘I remember screaming, ‘What part of no don’t you understand!’ He looked at me shocked, and asked if I was ‘okay.’ ‘She’s harmless,’ he said. I had no idea what he had. I’d never seen it before.’
“I didn’t kiss my kids goodbye. I didn’t tell anyone. I left without a second thought. I don’t know how many times they asked, ‘When is mommy coming home?’ A few months later, I found out I was pregnant with twins.”
‘There’s only one of me!,’ you scream. It’s okay to lose it. It’s okay to scream into a pillow. It doesn’t mean you’ve lost. Or you’ve failed. You feel like a bad mother.’
“The day you want them to nap, is the day they’ll be jump on couches. The day you’re going to clean is the day they’re going to throw toys, ask for millions of snacks and draw on walls. The day you have an appointment is the day they sleep in.”
‘My 18-year-old sister had JUST announced she was pregnant. My parents were going to DIE I was too. And I mean DIE! The thought of telling them terrified me to my core.’
“We went to the store to get the morning after pill. As we stood in line, pregnancy tests caught my eye. Something kept forcing me to look at them. The longer we stood there, the louder this voice in my head screamed to buy one. I told Tim, ‘Let’s buy a pregnancy test instead.'”
‘I showed my daughter a birth video to prepare for the arrival of her little brother. ‘Mommy, can we watch another one?’ She now requests birth videos almost daily.’
“Most children develop an obsession at some point. They have a favorite animal or sport. My daughter Kaeleigh explores twin births, outdoor births, water births, and midwives on YouTube.”
