my son

‘I heard two words: ‘fugitive felon.’ I caught my son’s eye. His shackles made my stomach flutter uncontrollably. His public defender smoothed her beige suit, and approached him.’

“The severely criminal charge was, in fact, a reference to my 24-year-old. I never imagined that term would apply to him. An unexpected call helped me through his transfer to prison. It had been weeks without contact when I answered the unfamiliar number. I fought back tears. He told me how much my son loved me.”

‘I dropped him off at another woman’s house. He lied. I was heavily pregnant. And now I just dropped my boyfriend off at another woman’s house. I was officially a single mother.’

“My boyfriend told me about a job opportunity that would allow me to be a stay-at-home mom. Downside? It was 2 hours away. He was insistent on going, and who was I to turn down that opportunity? So, I drove him. I dropped him off at a relative’s house. Kissed him goodbye. Something didn’t feel right, but I went with it.”

‘Get here now! It’s bad, it’s real bad.’ I jumped out of bed and yelled, ‘We have to go now! Something has happened.’ I knelt down beside him. ‘I am so sorry son, I love you so much Joshua.’

“My fiancé hardly had the car in park. I jumped out and ran down the driveway toward my son. Before I could get to Josh, two police officers held me back. I cried out, ‘My baby, my baby, I want my baby!’ At that moment, I knew my worst nightmare had come true. My precious son was gone in a blink of an eye.”

‘Please don’t blame yourself mom. I LOVE YOU! I’m now looking down on you. LOOK UP. I SEE YOU.’ These were the last words my son wrote the day he took his own life.’

“I received a frantic phone call. He asked me to come home immediately. He was standing in the driveway looking very frazzled. He asked me to hug him. I asked him what was wrong. ‘You know the one thing you told me never to do?’ I was confused. ‘What are you talking about Jordan, what have you done?'”

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