“We went to the store to get the morning after pill. As we stood in line, pregnancy tests caught my eye. Something kept forcing me to look at them. The longer we stood there, the louder this voice in my head screamed to buy one. I told Tim, ‘Let’s buy a pregnancy test instead.'”
‘My 18-year-old sister had JUST announced she was pregnant. My parents were going to DIE I was too. And I mean DIE! The thought of telling them terrified me to my core.’
‘My husband and I decided during his deployment we would try to get pregnant as soon as he got home. I got pregnant the first try. But, I wasn’t supposed to mother this baby.’
“It was hell. My doctor removed it and sent me on my way. And then I was alone.”
‘Baby, when I hear you say you’re pregnant what I actually hear is ‘life destroyed.’ He was right. The Universe had been playing this cruel joke on me for 4 years.’
“Surprisingly, the doctor pulled me into her arms, ignoring professionalism and boundaries, and held me. She whispered in my ear, ‘I heard you talking in the change room. I know how badly you wanted this. Don’t give up yet.’”
‘You wonder, ‘Do they even know my name?’ All the nurses direct their attention to mom. Not one person notices your eyes swell with tears. You, too, are broken. I see you.’
“Your child enters this world silent and fragile. You allow your child’s mom to hold your precious little one first, but your hands shake with anticipation to hold the child you both created. You stand tall next to the woman you love, while inside, you are broken.”
‘Girl, I bet you’ll get pregnant right after you adopt. Just watch!’ It’s nails on a chalkboard when I hear that.’
“We didn’t adopt in order to become pregnant. I never want my sweet girl to think she was SECOND best. You are the absolute BEST thing that ever happened to me.”
‘A nurse latched a painful, angry piranha to my nipples. ‘How many feeds has he had?’ She didn’t notice I had been crying. She said she’d help me. She never came back.’
“I was asked hundreds of questions. All of them, about my baby. When a baby is born, so is a mother. So, ask us too, and ask us often, ‘Is everything okay?’”
‘Let’s hear it for the dads. The ones who don’t ‘babysit’ – they parent. The ones who come home from work, ready to pitch in.’
“The ones who cook breakfast on the weekends and make blanket forts like a boss. The ones who rock a diaper bag, and a minivan, and still look hot. The ones who remind us we were people, before we were mothers.”
‘There is no rush. They may never get to do this again, holding their baby like this.’ As we admired him, there was a quiet heaviness. He looked different. My husband already knew.’
“As we calmly talked on that moon-lit drive, he said something to me I’ll never forget. He broke a short silence. ‘If anyone would be trusted with a special-needs child, it would be you. You have the grace and the patience to do this.’”
‘Test after test doctors would tell us ‘it came back normal.’ How? Why are they coming back normal? My son seems to be getting worse, NOT better.’
“I thought to myself, ‘How long has he had this? Was it something I did?’ I had so many questions. To this day, most of my questions still haven’t been answered.”
‘I used the bathroom. My heart sank. I dove into panic mode. I am actually in labor. I surrendered to the universe. ‘Please just take care of me, please allow her to live.’
“I had lost 20 pounds by 18 weeks. Then it happened, ‘code white’ over the intercom. Twelve doctors and nurses ran into our room scrambling around me. I will never forget the moment before my eyes closed. My Guardian Angel grandfather had my hands in his, as if he were in the room. ‘Please keep our miracle alive.’”
