newlyweds

‘Zac isn’t here. I’m going to look for him. To check the ditches.’ My heart stopped as I let those words ring in my ear.’: 20-year-old widow loses husband in motorcycle accident only 11 months after marriage

“‘Why don’t you just ride with Trevor? I’m sure he’d wait for you,’ I told my husband. ‘Nah, it’s okay.’ I attempted to kiss him, but his helmet was in the way. He started up his bike and blew me a kiss. Then I remember being frozen. It was weird. Like something stopped me in my tracks and made me turn around to watch him leave.”

‘I’m scared. I don’t want to do this without you,’ I told him. ‘This isn’t goodbye. I love you so much. I have no regrets.’ I was in denial. He was the best thing that ever happened to me.’

“We dated for 4 months, were engaged for 6 months and got married. Now we were in the hospital. I walked down the long, cold hallways to see my husband, my heart pounding out of my chest. I saw it right away. He was not the same. Something had changed. This is where I came undone. I was losing him.”

‘Chemo would make my breast milk toxic to my son. Cancer had already robbed me of the pure joy of a new baby. I was not about to sit back and let it take away breastfeeding my son.’

“Here we were newlyweds of just 4 months, with 4 children together, one of whom was just a week old. The only option I had was to find a family member or friend who would be willing to latch Malcolm to their breast once a week so he would remember how to do it if and when the time came for me to try.”

‘Dear husband, please don’t give up on us.’

“I remember us as newlyweds and how obnoxious we used to be. Holding hands everywhere, sneaking kisses. I wish I could be that girl for you, but I just can’t. I’m gross. I’m exhausted. If one more person touches me, I may lose it.”

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