“How could this be happening? How could we possibly be expecting TWO more babies just 4 MONTHS after the birth of our son? But it was. It was a punch in a gut. The kind of news that took your breath away.”
‘She turned the screen towards us. ‘Here is baby number 1, here is baby number 2…’ ‘PLEASE STOP COUNTING!,’ is all I could manage to say. The room fell quiet.’
‘The best course of action will be to do a total hysterectomy,’ the doctor said, staring at me. ‘But I’m only 29!,’ I gasped in disbelief.’
“Well, unfortunately we have to do it now. I’d call your husband. If he starts now, he might get here just in time. Now hop in the shower and give yourself a good scrub with this soap.”
‘He was blue, and his skin was covered with deep purple spots. He wasn’t crying. The whole room was especially quiet.’
“They had no clue what was going on with his skin. They thought maybe I had passed on an infection. Our nurse crouched down next to me. ‘This is going to get better. We will get through this.'”
‘I walked into the NICU. Her nurse said, ‘Hey momma, I was just about to call you.’ I knew that wasn’t good. My heart started pounding. I could feel it in my ears as I choked back tears.’
“‘Am I allowed to kiss her?,’ I asked the nurse through tears. I didn’t want to leave. I cried even harder as they wheeled me out. I was frantic inside.”
‘The billing department doesn’t care if your baby died. The medical companies don’t care if you’re on unpaid leave because your child is a long-term patient. You still have to pay.’
“It keeps me lying awake at night, tears and stress making my heart race. I’m drowning in medical debt. And I know I’m not alone.”
‘We got the call. ‘Hi, Mrs. Morgan? We have a little girl for emergency placement. Can’t walk or talk. Her mother passed away unexpectedly, and we haven’t located any family.’
“‘Mrs. Morgan? We have a 3-year-old little boy in the PICU. He’s been here 6 months and needs a home.’ 6 months in the PICU! Why?! 3 months, because he was sick. 3 months, because no one would take him home.”
‘My eyes darted back and forth as I tried to make sense of where I was. As the fog lifted inside my head, I vaguely remembered bits and pieces of the day before, events that changed my life.’
“While I lay on the operating table, my husband sat in the waiting room, wondering if he would lose all three children and his wife in one day. As he overheard the doctors, one word stood out.”
‘Expect problems,’ she told us. I had heard those words before, yet my brain couldn’t make sense of them. ‘What kind of problems?,’ I asked, my voice trembling.’
“A dark thought crossed my mind. ‘Maybe David will die, and we’ll be able to forget this whole thing ever happened.’ As soon as that thought came, it was quickly followed by another. ‘God, please, please don’t let my baby die!’”
‘Is she going to die? Is she going to be ok?,’ I wailed hysterically. She paused. ‘I hope so.’ I started to see spots and my lips started to go numb. I was going into shock. ‘I feel lightheaded.’
“It started like any other cold. Runny nose, sniffles, a light headache. ‘I don’t feel good, mom,’ she complained that morning, 5 days before. ‘Me neither,’ I groaned. I was suffering as well, and I assumed we both had the same thing.”
‘I mentioned how different my hair felt. Her eyes widened as she touched my head. My thick blonde locks were noticeably thinner.’
“That day at the hair salon was pivotal. As I sat with foils covering my head, I knew I had to make some changes. For so many years I had put others before me, it was time to take control of my life.”
