“It’s a harsh reality to admit, and I’m sure I’ll get a few gasps. But it’s the honest truth. And I know I’m not alone. I shrug off compliments from strangers about my pregnancy. This is my coping mechanism.”
‘I’m not attached to my baby. There, I said it.’
‘He’s not breathing!’ His entire arm was jerking. What was going on?! ‘He was just screaming! How could he not be breathing?’ Then my phone rang.’
“He was admitted to the hospital ‘just to do some routine stuff’ since he was young for such a high fever. I didn’t love the idea, but I was willing to do whatever was needed. Then something unexpected happened. Trevor started screaming. The nurse reached for the ‘Code Blue’ button on the wall.”
‘During a regular, boring trip to the grocery store at 26-weeks pregnant, I went into labor. We rushed to the hospital. The NICU doctor had to ‘speak with us.’ My heart broke all over again.’
“At first, my little ‘hobby’ was an outlet – a very private and personal one. We had recently endured the sudden loss of our son. It was noticed by friends – and friends of friends. I quickly realized there were so many mamas that understood.”
‘I yelled to my husband, ‘This is the only child you’re getting, I can’t do this again!’ The doctor had to take the baby out in a split second. He was purple, had the cord around his neck, not crying.’
“The waiting game absolutely killed me. I was crying, desperate and confused. I felt like somebody was trying to take my baby away. My husband and I had to plan to spend time together. Our marriage and our relationship come before everything, and we don’t take it lightly.”
‘Her oxygen levels dropped. She had blisters and dark swirls all over her body. Ever seen a movie where someone gets devastating news and collapses down a wall? That was me.’
“After about 8 hours of not being able to get our 5-day old daughter to eat, we took her to the emergency room. ‘She’s fine,’ they told me again. I kissed my 2-year-old. ‘I’ll be back as soon as I can. I’m just going to go make sure your sister is okay.’”
‘I thought you would like to meet your children,’ the nurse said with a smile. She handed me a stack of pictures, my first glimpse of my tiny premature babies.’
“I met my son for the first time, thanks to this picture. A picture that was taken by our nurse. She walked in, making the trek from a different building and several floors away. She knew I was too weak to visit the NICU, and hoped seeing my children would help me heal.”
‘Would you be willing to take him home?’ He was the tiniest baby boy I’d ever held. My husband’s wedding ring could go up above his knee. Two days earlier, we’d gotten a phone call.’
“My husband and I rode an elevator up to the NICU. I told him I might need to throw up in the fake plant I saw as the doors opened. We had three kids at the time– 3-year-old twin boys and a 7-month-old baby girl. HOW CRAZY CAN WE BE!? We are insane.”
‘An hour before our flight, I got a text. ‘WATER BROKE BRING CAR SEAT!!!’ We couldn’t believe it! We were off to meet our baby boy. ‘I have news. Call me back,’ she said on the voicemail.’
“We waited in the parking lot, for hours. She ended up getting sick. It was a very contagious infection that ended up spreading to the baby. My husband cried. He couldn’t believe people were so kind.”
‘Certainly these aren’t all your children.’ At 29, we welcomed our 10th baby. I looked like I had stepped out of a junior high locker room. ‘I can’t believe your mother left you with all these siblings!’
“The night before his vasectomy he called me into the living room as the boys were playing. ‘We need to talk,’ he said. I can hear the conversation like it was yesterday. ‘This isn’t it, we aren’t finished…’”
Boy grows hair to donate to kids in need: ‘What are you doing in the boy’s bathroom? You look like a GIRL!’ One parent asked, ‘Is that a boy? That is such irresponsible parenting!’ His hair was long and angelic. I never understood.’
“No matter what he wore, he was mistaken as a girl by strangers. Even in his Spider Man costume, someone said, ‘Oh she’s so cute!’ I got used to correcting people. One day, I was called into the principal’s office.”