“He told me how sorry he was. It would never happen again. In the fetal position on the ground, looking up at him, I remember thinking, ‘This is it. This is how I die.’ The police came to my beautiful villa in a fancy part of town. ‘I’m so embarrassed,’ I told the officer. His response? ‘We’re called to this neighborhood more than any other.’”
‘He forced me to the gym because he didn’t want me to get fat. I assumed it was normal. I was sure I could change him.’ Survivor’s eye-opening recount of abusive relationship with ‘older, amazing’ man
‘Are you thinking about killing yourself?’ He became scared of his own brain. The pain was too great. I keep trying to be mad at him. I can’t manage it, though.’
“He got this weird look about him. I didn’t think too much of it. Pretty normal for Mark. Later, he told me that after our time together, he had made a noose, and driven out of town with the intention of hanging himself. He said he wanted to make sure it was perfect before he died.”
‘My daughter morphed overnight. My happy girl became dead-eyed, hateful. Her pupils were dilated and dark. I felt like I lost my daughter. We couldn’t figure out how to make it stop.’
“New issues kept popping up. Screeching, laughing for no reason, wetting the bed. She couldn’t finish her sentences. She’d think all types of disturbing thoughts about hurting her little sister. I had to explain to my 5-year-old why she didn’t want to play with her anymore. I felt like a failure of a mom. I knew I had to find answers.”
‘He literally turned into a rabid wild animal! His hands turned into claws, his face looked evil. He was foaming at the mouth, and growling. I couldn’t believe this was our sweet boy.’
“He came home from school a different boy. He wanted to hide behind the couch. He snapped and growled at his siblings. ‘Did something happen at school?,’ I asked him. ‘No,’ he replied, crying his eyes out. We started noticing unusual symptoms in our younger son too. Little did I know, this was just the beginning of our nightmare.”
‘I thought she was crazy. I got a text from my dad. ‘Your mom thinks Spencer’s tics are because of strep throat.’ I blew her off. Suddenly, he began wetting the bed nightly.’
“We had absolutely no idea what was going on. His behavior was changing. He’d been in daycare since he was 12 weeks old and LOVED his school. Now he’d cling to us at drop off and require 15 hugs before we could – with him still screaming and crying- finally leave him. We assumed he was ‘going through a phase.’ I felt like we were ‘losing’ him.”
‘At 17, I got pregnant with an older man with 3 kids. Months after labor, blood was trickling from my baby’s mouth. ‘Everything is going to be okay. It has to be.’ I begged him to breathe.’
“He was unusually fussy the night before, but eventually fell asleep. I got up to make lunch and then it happened. I cry. I fall. I cannot breathe. I need to call my mom. She thinks it’s a joke. The police are here to question us.”
‘I had to tell them. ‘Your dad died by suicide.’ Words I knew would change their lives forever. Words no child should hear. I had to be honest with them. I was terrified.’
“My husband of 16 years. My best friend. The father to my 9 and 12-year-old beautiful boys. He left that morning for work. He never came home. I never saw his beautiful smile again. He just never came home.”
‘If you EVER speak out, I know where the bullets are.’ I walked in the snow for miles in short sleeves. I woke up in the hospital, angry I survived, and pulled out all the hospital tubes.’
“I looked up from my bed and saw my mother and sister at the door. The look in their eyes is something I never want to see again. I feared that I had to be cured. I wish I had seen the warning signs.’
‘I ran away and spent the entire day in agony, waiting to go home and shower. I became the girl known for never showing up and sleeping all the time.’
“I didn’t feel comfortable telling my friends about the weird things I did. I was constantly thinking about how to rid my brain of this mental contamination. I can’t just turn it off like a light switch.”
‘My world was spinning. How is this possible? He didn’t realize it at the time. His heart was a ticking time bomb.’
“He hadn’t been feeling well. First a case of the flu, then what we thought was walking pneumonia. He ate well, worked out, quit smoking. What had he done wrong to deserve this? Little did we know, the journey was about to begin.”
