“I tried to go on with life pretending nothing was wrong, while keeping this enormous secret, but ultimately couldn’t think about anything else. His birth was bittersweet. I held him, sobbing, as I signed away my rights as his mother.”
‘I found out I was pregnant one month after I turned 19 years old. ‘The second line is faint. You’re very early in your pregnancy,’ the nurse said. I had not even missed a period yet. Utterly shocked.’
‘I don’t have a mother.’ ‘Baby, everyone has a mother.’ ‘When you were born, your birth mother asked if WE could be your daddy and papa!’ She searched for people to love you with all their heart.’
“A few more days went by and we figured we had finished that conversation until she asked the heaviest question of all, ‘Who is my birth mother?’ We looked at each other and quickly changed the subject.”
‘I looked at my mom, tears welling up. ‘Was I adopted?’ She knew this day would happen. She knew I’d want to know. My answer was a few clicks away.’
“I opened an unknown can of worms. Things started swirling in my head. ‘Was I not loved? Am I not worthy? Do I have siblings?’ I started at my computer screen. Same eye shape, same smile. I finally clicked send. Within a half hour, she responded. The pit of my stomach felt so sick.”
‘We were contacted by an expectant mother. She was only four months along, I felt my nerves spike. I was nervous to get to know someone only to have someone change their mind again.’
“Would you be interested in an open adoption?’ How often do we get together? How should we celebrate holidays? How should Kendrick refer to Maryellen? How did we answer inappropriate questions from people we met?”
‘She could not have been more perfect. When she died unexpectedly 2 months later, I thought my heart stopped with hers.’
“Three months after my love proposed to me, I found a lump. I was told I was ‘lucky’ because I had the ‘good kind’ of cancer. It was a hugely insensitive thing to say. My friends were buying homes, getting promotions, having children – and I’m the ‘lucky’ one?”
‘An hour before our flight, I got a text. ‘WATER BROKE BRING CAR SEAT!!!’ We couldn’t believe it! We were off to meet our baby boy. ‘I have news. Call me back,’ she said on the voicemail.’
“We waited in the parking lot, for hours. She ended up getting sick. It was a very contagious infection that ended up spreading to the baby. My husband cried. He couldn’t believe people were so kind.”
‘Thank you for making me a Mommy,’ I whispered. We held each other and cried. We are BOTH her mom. I knew the connection was real. There’s no one else I’d rather do this with.’
“I have no idea how we ended up married. Being friends for years first, I knew about his cancer diagnosis, and the treatment that left him infertile. She called us. I was so nervous. But when I heard her voice, I just knew.”
‘We got in a serious motorcycle accident. I laid on the road thinking, ‘If we’re seriously considering adoption, it’s now or never.’ As I waited for first responders, the calling felt so strong.’
“I felt excitement and anxiety all at once. Over the next month, we said yes to 5 situations. ‘What if we never get chosen?’ Then, my cell phone rang with a number I didn’t recognize. I began shaking. I called my husband. ‘Get your bags together. It’s time!’ But knew very well not to expect things to happen right away.”
‘I still remember where I was standing. A 19 year old girl wanted to chat. Something didn’t feel right. Then we saw her from a distance.’
“We knew there was a 72 hour waiting period where the birth parents minds could change and so could our world.”
‘If I could find a mom I could have a relationship with like you have with her birth mom, I’d do it.’ Jason and I looked at each other. ‘Well don’t count us out!’ Her face lit up.’
“You might think this is our happy ending, but it’s not the end yet. In that moment, I knew we would be parents again, to her baby boy.”
