“We had a narrow window to get pregnant before our son’s next heart battles. By week 7 I knew something was different. I remember turning to my husband and telling him, ‘Either pregnancy as you get older is exponentially harder, or we are having twins.’ I’m pretty sure that sealed our fate.”
‘Have you been taking fertility meds?’ No! We tried for 1 child, and spontaneously got 3. TRIPLETS! It felt like, Us: ‘Let’s have another kid.’ Universe: ‘Hold my beer.’
‘We are having a problem. Your baby is floppy and turning blue. She only has a 50% chance of surviving through the night but we’ll do everything we can.’
“I woke up suddenly to the sound of my husband’s footsteps coming up the stairs to give me his phone. ‘Something has happened to Drew. He’s had a seizure. We were on our way to the park.’ I remember thinking to myself, ‘I have experienced seizures in the past. He’ll be OK.’ Second phone call. Everything was a blur.”
‘I was woken by a call. ‘There is something wrong with Twin B.’ Seeing the name on my caller ID made my heart leap out of my throat. How could this happen to my little, happy fighter?’
“I was trying to wrap my head around it. How does a twin, leave the other twin behind? How do we live on without her? We received another call in the middle of the night. ‘She isn’t moving the right side of her body.’ Nothing was going to stop her.”
‘What if I’m embarrassed of my own child?’ I received the call from the doctor. He was ‘so sorry,’ and we were ‘welcomed to counseling to talk about what we wanted to do.’
“I fell into Michael’s arms saying repeatedly, ‘It’s not fair, it’s not fair!’ Looking back on the heartbreak I was feeling, I can’t help but laugh. What felt like a horrible nightmare, actually turned out to be the best thing that’s ever happened to us.”
‘With no emotion he told us, ‘Ryder will forever be a vegetable and drool all over himself.’ Then he got up and left the room. All I saw was tunnel vision. We knew it wasn’t right.’
“Driving down the road, my ears started ringing. With the big lump in my throat I let out a few tears, pulled myself together, and prayed. I felt as if I was getting struck by lightning once again. So many rare things have happened to our family.”
‘I have to take him and run!’ We were worried, but he was perfect. 10 fingers, 10 toes, a head full of black hair. I thought, ‘There’s no way. She’s crazy.’
“My baby didn’t look like my baby. You know that feeling where you’re so shocked you could cry, but nothing comes out? That’s where I was. I was stuck between wanting to crumble to the ground in disbelief, and wanting to smile because my baby made it.”
‘He’s a sick guy.’ The pediatric cardiologist affirmed with an almost flippancy. Like, you know, yeah he’s dying, but like, he’s sick. Of course he’s dying. He’s a sick guy.’
“When my high school sweetheart and I decided to grow our family, we had no clue the battles we’d face. We’d had fairly smooth, straightforward lives up to this point. After my miscarriage of identical twins, I thought for sure we’d paid our dues.”
‘You need to get to the hospital as soon as you can.’ I didn’t even have time to ask what was wrong. ‘Is my daughter going to live?’ The nurse on the other end of the line paused. ‘We don’t know.’
“The technician asked me, ‘Do you feel that?’ I asked, ‘feel what?’ She said, ‘You’re having a contraction!’ I asked if I could see her face on the monitor. ‘I can’t show you because she’s in the birth canal!'”
‘Mom kept saying, ‘He’s gone. We lost him.’ When I lost my two babies, I could see my children sitting on my dad’s lap, tears of joy streaming down his face. I closed my eyes. My dad was a grandpa.’
“I remember seeing my dad sitting on the couch. I could tell he didn’t feel great. Later that afternoon I was with my mom and sister when we got a call from the local hospital. My dad had collapsed at work.”
‘It’s the heart! Something is wrong with our baby’s heart’ The kicking and screaming slowly stopped and he was limp and asleep.
“We hugged and kissed and told SJ how much we love him. He was emotional this time. He cried and cried saying no more pokies mommy. I want to go home. With each tear that fell from his eyes my heart was crushed a little more.”
