“Why I didn’t die, I have no idea. I suffered a serious head injury that evening. I firmly believe I was hit over the head. All I could think about was my daughter growing up without a father, and my family standing over my casket.”
‘I woke up on the floor of a hotel room. My buddy was lying there on the floor next to me. Dead.’
‘My sweet baby, my firstborn son, is homeless, mentally ill and addicted to heroin.’
“It had been 4 months since we’d had any contact. I hear someone calling my name. It’s my son! It’s a miracle. I hugged my sickly thin boy and told him, ‘I love you.’ I didn’t want to let go. I offered to buy him a meal. Our interaction was less than 10 minutes long. I left him there.”
‘Get here now! It’s bad, it’s real bad.’ I jumped out of bed and yelled, ‘We have to go now! Something has happened.’ I knelt down beside him. ‘I am so sorry son, I love you so much Joshua.’
“My fiancé hardly had the car in park. I jumped out and ran down the driveway toward my son. Before I could get to Josh, two police officers held me back. I cried out, ‘My baby, my baby, I want my baby!’ At that moment, I knew my worst nightmare had come true. My precious son was gone in a blink of an eye.”
‘I went to see my OBGYN, cried over an evil man being the baby’s father, and screamed about my sobriety. She calmly sat next to my hospital bed, and handed me the ultrasound pictures.’
“Written in small white letters was, ‘HI MOMMY I’M BABY A.’ I moved onto the next picture. ‘HI MOMMY I’M BABY B.’ I laid my hands down and shook my head. My eyes landed on the next picture. ‘HI MOMMY I’M BABY C.’ The blood rushed to my head.”
‘Where is my son? You aren’t the person I raised,’ she said through tear-filled eyes. She was curled up having a nervous breakdown on the bathroom floor. Pleading me to stop, but I can’t do that.’
“Cops showed up at my mom’s house looking for me. She and I would hide behind the couch. She was my biggest enabler. Then, she had enough. With all of her jewelry, she said, ‘Is there anything you can sell so you can stop?’ There wasn’t anything real left. I had already sold it all.”
‘My son has until this Tuesday to turn himself in. I love you, Josh. But the DEVIL returned this year. I made the decision to send my son to jail.’
“Yesterday he called. He wanted to come home. He even gave me the address where he was staying. I made the most difficult decision; I called the police to let them know where he was.”
‘He was my best friend. The last thing he said to me was: ‘I’m ok mom, I love you too.’ That was at 10:20 on Saturday night.’
“He always answered my calls. But on Sunday morning, he didn’t. And I just knew. My son gave a gut wrenching scream that didn’t sound like it could come from a 6-year-old.”
‘Mom, we have to take them home.’ It was so hard to look at these girls and not cry. It was like looking into the eyes of my sister, eyes I had not seen in 8 years, eyes I would never see again.’
“The woman who had the girls was not at all family, but a friend from church. They had been removed from her care and were in a foster home. After we got off the phone, I panicked – what was I going to do?”
‘It was a busy day for me in the ER. I had 5 very sick patients. When I checked my phone, I had 10 missed calls. I called my dad back and he told me to sit down. My heart instantly sank.’
“I scanned the monitors and medications as any good nurse would do. I then saw my sister. And I knew.”
‘I prayed for him to be arrested. I didn’t want my brother to be harmed, but I wanted him safe. I wanted him to have a chance. I knew if he ran, it would not end well.’
“I finally got the courage to empty the room where you once slept, back when you were you. I have finally processed the pain. I’ve finally stopped blaming myself – for the most part.”