“They get sad and say, ‘but you’re so young!’ You never truly know what people are going through. I had family members tell me, ‘We’re sorry for not visiting, but it was too hard to see you go through this.’ Or that seeing me would make it ‘all too real.’ It is real.”
‘But you don’t look sick.’ My mom said, ‘There is no way, the chances are so low, it would be very rare.’ She was right. The risk is less than one percent, but I fell into that percentage.’
‘We’re broke. We’re $100 thousand in debt.’ He sent it to an online ‘camgirl.’ He is a porn addict, and has been since before he met me. I sat stunned, staring at him.’
“‘I lent a friend money. It’s gone. We’re not getting it back,’ he said. I was frozen. ‘How much money?’ My heart was racing. ‘Five thousand dollars?’ ‘Higher,’ he said between sobs. ‘TEN thousand? Twenty five? Fifty?’ I started to feel ill. It turns out, my husband hadn’t lent the money to a friend at all.”
‘I was still being bullied. I developed a crush on a cute boy. He told me, ‘Here, take this. It will make you feel so much better. You won’t have any pain.’ I immediately felt like I was on cloud nine.’
“‘Momma, can I come back home?’ I remember thinking, ‘You can’t save me, it’s too late, I am slipping away quickly.’ She kissed my forehead. ‘You are stronger than you know.’ I never heard from my ex again.”
‘Did he just rape me?’ My cousin. My family. I lay there wondering how could this have happened? I did not tell anyone until 6 weeks later when I found out I was pregnant.’
“I told my cousin I needed to lie down. He offered his bedroom to me. I didn’t think twice about it. I was safe. I was with family. I went to sleep. The next thing I know, my body was rocking. There was pressure. Unrecognizable pressure. Someone was behind me.”
‘My mom rushed in shouting, ‘Get up! Get up! I need you to keep your dad from getting out of bed.’ I sprinted to their room. ‘911? This must be serious! My mom is running, she never runs!’
“My dad was a zombie. He groaned this horrendous noise. As tears rushed down my cheeks, I ran over. There was a surprise guest waiting to pick me up. ‘They are not sure your mom is going to make it,’ he said. ‘But everyone said it wouldn’t be like my dad!,’ was all I kept repeating.”
‘I see you as an attractive woman, not my daughter.’ Then he said, ‘You’re the kind of woman I always wanted. If you weren’t my daughter I would marry you.’
“My father made me feel guilty about it. He said I would destroy our family. That he would get deported to Mexico and my family would lose everything we worked so hard for. He told me to say I made it up because I was a rebelling teenager angry at my father. So I lied to them, I told them exactly what he told me to say.”
‘You should leave me.’ The words popped up on my screen. I knew my marriage was stressed, but I had no idea it was about to snap. Fear ripped through my gut. What was going on?!’
“I left the office early to get home and calm things down. He had been drinking. 6 years of sobriety gone in a flash. Then, he confessed to the affair. I was appalled. ‘Did you love her?’ ‘How long?’ ‘Why?’ That night was a blur.”
‘I looked to the corner of my room and saw him sitting there. ‘No,’ I thought to myself. ‘No, I will not do this.’ I looked back to the bed. Still empty. And then it happened. I fell to my knees.’
“I let the nightmare play out. I screamed. I cried harder than I ever have. And as suddenly as it came, it was gone. The room was still. It was quiet. I looked back to the corner. But he was still there. He was still sitting there, watching.”
‘My boyfriend woke me. ‘He is in the house.’ I checked the doors, all locked. I climbed back into bed. ‘I just saw him in the hall!’ I got up again. He was there. We heard a loud BOOM!’
“We started arguing and it woke my son up. Excited to see his dad, he ran to him. He picked him up, turned and walked out. He just took my son! I was in shock. She knew. She told me to pack a small bag and get the hell outta there.”
‘Get in the car,’ my mom forcefully tells me. My mind is racing. Turning me into jail? Where are we going? The drive feels like an eternity.’ She parks. ‘Do you see this place?,’ she chokes out.’
“I had an urge. I was terrified. I went to the only place I knew I was safe. She was asleep. I stood by her crib and stared at the greatest gift I had ever been given, my beautiful baby girl. As I looked at her, tears flooded out of me. That night, she saved my life.”
