“Then, the next strangest thing happened. My teenager appeared. She sauntered in, checked out my work, paused, and then asked if she could help. My jaw almost hit the ground. I don’t know if she felt it, too. I don’t know if she knew we were missing something by not having her dad there.”
‘I went to the room. Paint, check. Roller thing, check. I opened the door, and the strangest thing happened. Grief hit me, and it took me to my knees.’
‘I can’t believe I’m sharing this photo. An in-the-moment meltdown. Raw, vulnerable and unattractive. I accidentally snapped this pic of me in tears.’
“My anxiety was at an all-time high. I was embarrassed and ashamed of my kid’s behavior. I needed a mental break. I needed to be alone. The very next day, the triplets’ Pre-school teacher recommended therapy for my boys. I was devastated. Defeated. How has it come to this? Is it really that bad?”
‘I had to leave my 5-month pregnant wife behind. I was completely alone. ‘Am I cut out to be a dad?’ I showered and climbed into bed. Then it began. ‘THUMP, THUMP.’
“‘Does she even miss me? Is my wife going to love me after this long separation? Would I be able to provide for my family?’ My heart started beating louder. LOUDER. I started sweating profusely. It was 4 a.m. I began to panic.”
‘When I lost my father at 18, you were there. You didn’t force me to talk about my emotions. You shared your father with me when I no longer had one.’
“As young parents I would call you crying because the task of being an adult was too overwhelming. I didn’t feel like enough of a wife or mother. You were kind to irrational postpartum me.”
‘I suddenly wake up, gasping for air. My pillow is soaking wet. My mind is racing a mile a minute. It won’t calm down.’
“Thoughts creep into my mind, reminding me how many people don’t have to experience these feelings.”
‘Please know the decision I made at 19 years old on January 5th, 1990, was the biggest mistake of my life.’
“I remember doing an internet search for, ‘What to say to your birth mom.’”
‘They are the moms of college kids. Shopping carts full of bedding, towels and mini-refrigerators. Slightly stressed, a little irritated, with just a hint of sadness in their eyes.’
“This time of year gets overwhelming. I might be frazzled. But from the aisles of Target, I can tell I am not alone in this. This stage of life is not for the weak.”
‘The most POWERFUL moment’: 6-year-old son BAWLS his eyes out watching his mom, the bride, walk down the aisle
“My sweet, soulful oldest baby boy was sharing in on this moment so deeply, with us. Taking in every breath, right along with us!”