“‘You are having twins!’ I looked at my husband. We were in total shock. When we went to the doctor experiencing bleeding, we were sure something else was the issue — not twins. It was a dream come true. Minutes later, I sat on the toilet. I heard a ‘pop.’ I felt this flow of water between my legs.”
‘You’ve caught an infection. If we don’t remove these babies, you will become sepsis. You can die.’ Tears ran down my face. ‘This is not where I hoped to see you,’ my doctor said. Neither did I.’
‘Does that hurt?’ He smelled of liquor. I grabbed my baby girl and got in his face. All of the red flags were there, but I ignored them. I thought my love could make him a better man.’
“He’d deliberately go out and ‘ghost’ me. I felt trapped in a thick fog of confusion, heartbreak, and betrayal. My children and I grew to appreciate when he left to work. We could be ourselves and not have to walk on eggshells. Every time he’d swindle his way back in, I felt like I betrayed myself.”
‘Mom, Dad – I’m pregnant.’ I have never seen my father so speechless, or hear my mother cry like that. We sat outside. Then I saw y’all. Her first. Then him. I knew. They are the ones.’
“It was a magical night. One month later, everything changed. I missed my period. I was, in fact, pregnant. My friend convinced me to tell the father. That didn’t go well. I knew it wouldn’t, because what freshman in college wants to be a parent?”
‘GET HIM AWAY FROM ME!’ I pushed him toward my husband’s lap. I resented him. I felt out of body. Then, BOOM. We were home.’
“Then, everything shifted. ‘You don’t have CANCER, you can GET OVER IT’. My husband was like a deer in the headlights. The phone rings. What? How? I can’t do this AGAIN without them.”
‘I heard her in the hall, talking about the ‘awful day’ she was having, and all the’ rough news’ she was having to break to families. When she entered, everything changed.’
“‘Can my day just be done?,’ I heard her say. She then said a word that took me by surprise, and scared me: ‘Abort.’”
‘I had just watched my husband die, in the hospital, right in front of me. I NEEDED to change. Finally, I got a text. ‘Are you free to come in right now?’
“It was the one month anniversary of Albert’s death. ‘I trust you,’ I said.”
‘When we were just about done with the foster process, I GOT PREGNANT. I peed on 14 sticks because I couldn’t believe it. We thought we were ready. I didn’t realize the roller coaster it’d be.’
“We had a 6-month-old baby and added an emotional 5-year-old to the mix. There were days where I felt like I was babysitting someone else’s kids. People told me I wouldn’t be able to love these children as my own. You come in expecting everything to fall into place. It doesn’t work like that. I had no idea what I was doing.”
‘To the parents of Abigail.’ I was shuffling through the junk mail, before tossing it in the trash. But the last letter left me frozen. My heart began racing. I gasped as I read the name.’
“As I stared at the letter, my hand started shaking. I found myself holding my breath, paralyzed by the shock of the unexpected. Seeing her name in writing after so many years caught me off guard.”
‘I love you,’ I whispered. I checked his arm, and noticed there was a needle mark. I don’t know how I held myself together from SCREAMING his name, praying he’d snap out of it.’
“He tried to call me, but I was asleep and missed his call. Then my mom called. ‘Get to the hospital immediately,’ she said. I knew it was about him. I didn’t know the situation, so I got there in 4 minutes. My mind was racing.”
‘I peeked in her bedroom, I couldn’t tell if she was breathing. As I walked closer, I looked at her white feet and knew something was wrong. I went crazy. My brain snapped.’
“‘I’m sorry, we have to do this when a child dies in the home. It’s so hard for you,’ the investigator said. They found no cause of death. It is so rare, and the last thing I want to do is cause fear in someone else, but it’s a very real and possible thing that can happen.”
