PICU

‘Your baby’s heart is on the wrong side.’ I cried. ‘PLEASE be with him, I don’t want him to be alone.’: Mom devastated to learn of newborn’s heart defect, wishes she could ‘take his place’

“The sonographer went very quiet and kept putting her body in strange positions. She said the baby was laying awkwardly. We had to sign papers prior to his surgery warning us of the risks… death being one of them. We were so helpless. He was so tiny. It didn’t seem fair. I was so excited to see my little boy and give him a big kiss.”

‘Yellow!’ Micah pointed to an adorable little chick with a big smile. Then, he spiked a 106 fever.’: Woman loses 3-year-old to Arthritis, ‘I am a mother, that will never change with time, space, or death’

“‘Are you SURE?’ I asked the doc, reading the report. ‘It would be like being struck by lightening TWICE. He’s fine.’ They were wrong. He was SICK. Sicker than any baby I’d seen. I walked into the PICU bathroom, shut the door. I screamed, moaned, punched the mirror, and cried the guttural tears of a mother who already knew how the story ends, because she’d lived it before. I was reliving my worst nightmare.”

‘The day my baby died, I won tickets to build her a bear. ‘Can I still use them even though she passed?’ Their response? ‘No. The guest must be present.’ My heart shattered in a million pieces.’

“It felt like the perfect thing to do in order to honor and remember her. All I wanted was my baby back. I wanted to be like all the other moms who get to cuddle and snuggle their baby after they are born. A simple no would’ve been okay, but their words felt like a stab to the heart.”

‘I put you in your mom’s arms so you could be snuggled while you drifted off to sleep. I hid behind the curtain and shed silent tears. I still hear the echo of, ‘I’m so sorry, but he is gone.’: Nurse recalls ‘absolute honor’ of caring for CHD patient

“I remember every single detail about this day. I knew what I was coming into, but in no way was I prepared for it. Your nurses before me had gotten you so handsome, dressed for your family. You looked so small in that big bed.”

 Share  Tweet