“Until last night, I didn’t understand the term ‘shiz storm.’ I was looking down on myself from the sky, watching all of my internal organs liquefy and spray out like someone jumped on a balloon full of Nutella. After 4 straight hours of pooping, I passed out on the bathroom floor for 2 hours only to be awoken by my dog licking me to see if I was dead.”
‘Last night, my soul left my body. Yes, I pooped out my soul and went to heaven. And now I’m a brand new man.’: Man hilariously shares Magnesium Citrate ‘near-death experience’ after eating 20 ‘nuclear wings’
‘Are you kidding me, mom?! Help me!’ It’s an explosion of epic proportions. Do we salvage this outfit? Heck. NO!’: Mom hilariously recounts every mother’s worst nightmare, the diaper blowout
“It’s so goopy. It’s E V E R Y W H E R E! In crevasses you didn’t know existed. It’s up the back, and down the legs. More creeps onto your hand with every wipe. You’re gagging. You pick baby up and hold him Lion King style, praying that none splatters onto the floor as you shuffle towards the sink. ‘This isn’t that bad… this isn’t… that… bad…’ You’re trying not to be dramatic. But you’re totally being dramatic.”
‘Excuse me, ma’am. He pooped in the tunnel. We have to get everyone off the playground so it can be sanitized.’ The gentleman’s face was squished in anger and frustration.’
“It was a total blowout, oozing out of his pull-up and straight down his legs. I felt like a bad mom. I bent down to rummage through my bag for wipes. As I stood back up, the man was still there. Still staring.”
‘I’ve birthed an entire child in the time it takes my husband to poop. Actually, I’ve done it faster!’: Wife hilariously calls out husband for his long bathroom trips to ‘avoid hemorrhoids’
“Not only did I accomplish this amazing feat faster than he can, I did it while people WATCHED. This achievement was done with bright lights shining down there to illuminate my lady bits. My husband? He gets to hide in a secluded bathroom. He dies inside when a child even knocks on the door.”
