poop

‘It’s been 5 years since I set foot in church. I have no intention of going back. It comes down to diapers.’: Special needs mom refuses to bring her kids where ‘they’re not fully embraced’

“Poop is where church ends. Poop is the special need that doesn’t get met by ministry. Believe me, I know that big kid pullups are not pretty. When the message finally got through to me, it broke me. My special needs boys were not wanted. They were only included if I was willing to meet all of the ‘unpleasant’ needs.”

‘Dad, it’s weird, but I think I pooped my pants!’ Minutes later, it hits me. OMG. ‘That’s not poop!!!’: Dad transforms into ‘the period fairy’ after realizing daughter is experiencing first menstrual cycle

“Today, I got THE CALL. So, I rush to school, bring her a change of undies, and rush back to my conference call. Hours later, she calls. ‘Dad, it happened again.’ At this point, I’m confused. Annoyed. ‘Just wipe your butt!’ Then, it hits me. I rush to the trash, inspect the undies from earlier, and scream. My child called for help and I just left her to die on the battlefield!”

‘MOM!!! Get back in the car!’ I’m at the drop off in undies that have a LITERAL HOUSE for penis and balls!’: Mom hilariously shares ultimate ‘dysfunctional parent’ moment

“Y’all. Things got worse. ‘MOM! The basement is leaking!’ In that 3.5 seconds, my doorbell rings. I run down because my pea-sized BRAIN forgets to process ‘put on pants.’ It’s the plumber I completely forgot I called. Steve goes downstairs. I have 15 minutes. Guess who is wrong? Yup. Me again. Steve done come BACK into the house while I’m laying down a quick colombian hot sloppy in the bathroom.”

‘What’s the worst that can happen?’ Shizzing yourself at your job interview. That’s what.’: Woman hilariously shares ‘mortifying’ accident, hopes it can ‘make someone smile’

“I felt a bead of sweat roll down my face. My stomach started making beastly growls. I got to my feet to rush to the bathroom when I heard a knock. ‘Hello, Mrs. O? It’s so nice to meet you.’ Shiz. Shiz. Holy shiz. It was too late. I was trapped! Suddenly, I felt hot flashes and bubbles. My body was going to DO THE DAMN THING. Needless to say, I didn’t get the job.”

‘Last night, my soul left my body. Yes, I pooped out my soul and went to heaven. And now I’m a brand new man.’: Man hilariously shares Magnesium Citrate ‘near-death experience’ after eating 20 ‘nuclear wings’

“Until last night, I didn’t understand the term ‘shiz storm.’ I was looking down on myself from the sky, watching all of my internal organs liquefy and spray out like someone jumped on a balloon full of Nutella. After 4 straight hours of pooping, I passed out on the bathroom floor for 2 hours only to be awoken by my dog licking me to see if I was dead.”

‘Are you kidding me, mom?! Help me!’ It’s an explosion of epic proportions. Do we salvage this outfit? Heck. NO!’: Mom hilariously recounts every mother’s worst nightmare, the diaper blowout

“It’s so goopy. It’s E V E R Y W H E R E! In crevasses you didn’t know existed. It’s up the back, and down the legs. More creeps onto your hand with every wipe. You’re gagging. You pick baby up and hold him Lion King style, praying that none splatters onto the floor as you shuffle towards the sink. ‘This isn’t that bad… this isn’t… that… bad…’ You’re trying not to be dramatic. But you’re totally being dramatic.”

‘My husband ate 12 DOSES of Ex-lax. I called Poison Control because he thought he was dying. I literally cannot stop laughing.’: Wife hilariously recounts 39-year-old husband’s mistake, is ‘still crying’ and ‘unable to speak’ from laughing so hard

“The Poison Control guy was like, ‘The biggest risks are cramping, dehydration, and diaper rash.’ DIAPER RASH! I was NOT ready for this dude to come at me with diaper rash. I completely lost it. He kept chuckling and going, ‘Oh boy. Oooooooh boy.’ I’m wheezing just thinking about it.”

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