“Around 2-3 a.m. I was happily nursing my baby when my stomach started growling. There was a thunderstorm in my colon and it was going to be explosive…”
‘You farted yet, love?’ While in hospital after birth, I was asked constantly if I had passed gas. My answer was always no.’: Mom hilariously recalls what happened when nurse gave her ‘the sweetest liquid and two pills to get me going’
‘My husband is on the floor, eyes closed, moaning, ‘Syyydd. I can’t see.’ Is this a joke. He has a flu symptom that doesn’t even exist. Actually I can’t. I should leave. Where is this dude’s mom.’: Wife hilariously recalls husband’s ‘man flu’
“The nurse spotted the ‘man flu’ from a mile away. I drive my pregnant butt alone to the hospital while puking in a plastic bag with my husband in front of me, on a stretcher, being doted on. It’s the first time I’ve ever considered divorce.”
‘If you joined the gym for the childcare. If crumbs fall out of your bra when you take it off. If the last thing you read all the way through was reviews on a new sippy cup.’
“If you’ve ever dropped your kids off at Sunday School and thought, ‘I wonder if they’d know if we went and got brunch instead.'”
‘Dear husband, This is why your wife doesn’t want to be touched in bed tonight.’
“Because while she was thrilled to do a poo from her morning coffee, her children came in and tried to see what was in the toilet bowl and throw their toys down there.”
‘We hear a large fart followed by some plops in the toilet. My son’s face starts to light up and his eyes widen. ‘Wow, did you HEAR THAT MOMMY?’: Mom recalls mortifying experience in public restroom
“This person is clearly in there trying to poo in peace, so I keep telling Luca to just do his business so we can get outta here. ‘But what is the man doing Mommy?’ ‘It’s not a man Luca, it’s a woman. We are in the female toilets.'”
‘At the performance, my baby boy blew out his diaper. I scooped him up, rushing to the bathroom. This was at our fancy playhouse, which apparently meant no changing table.’
“I set him down as I cleared away the fancy bowl of potpourri that was not helping this situation. I was about 25 wipes into the situation when, to make the mess worse, he starts projectile vomiting while I am changing him.”
‘I’ve birthed an entire child in the time it takes my husband to poop. Actually, I’ve done it faster!’: Wife hilariously calls out husband for his long bathroom trips to ‘avoid hemorrhoids’
“Not only did I accomplish this amazing feat faster than he can, I did it while people WATCHED. This achievement was done with bright lights shining down there to illuminate my lady bits. My husband? He gets to hide in a secluded bathroom. He dies inside when a child even knocks on the door.”
‘The man in the stall next to me was holding back tears of laughter. Laughter that busted loose when she called me a ‘pooping-farting robot.’
“I had no choice but to take my 4-year-old into the stall with me. Aspen watched as I struggled, blue eyes wide and supportive, hands clapping. Good job, Daddy! Good job! You make two poops! Now three poops! I’m four!'”
‘Learn to pray. It’s so good for your soul.’ Actor Chris Pratt’s top 9 tips on life, God and how to poop
“I’m going to cut to the chase and I am going to speak to you, the next generation,” Pratt said. “I accept the responsibility as your elder. So, listen up.”
‘I’m getting sick of having to change my daughter on a DISGUSTING FLOOR because the only changing table is located in the women’s bathroom.’
“It’s crazy to imagine, I know, but there are guys who take care of their kids too. Am I asking too much?”
