“The moment after her birth I had so longed for – the intense emotion I was supposed to have, never happened. The feeling I was supposed to get when she first cried, never happened. The love I was ‘supposed’ to have seeing Dan hold our daughter, never happened. The day she was born, I became a different person. I started hearing and seeing things. These images and voices would pop into my head.”
‘What if I never love my child? I hate being a mom.’ The day she was born, I became a different person.’: New mother suffers severe postpartum depression, ‘I was on the brink of suicide’
‘I was scared she’d die. They said it’s ‘new mom jitters.’ I didn’t want to be the ‘depressed, baby-less mom’: Mother experiences postpartum depression, PTSD after first son born still, ‘I was hiding it well’
“I was losing clumps of hair. I assumed it was stress because we just moved for my husband’s job. My doctor asked about my children. She was the first doctor who actually had a conversation with me. Then she dropped a bomb. ‘I’m prescribing you an anti depressant.’ I left the appointment bawling. ‘Who does she think she is!? She didn’t know everything I’ve been through!'”
‘I can’t decide if I want a baby! I’ll ruin my career,’ my friend messaged. I was brutally honest.’: Woman ‘mourns’ loss of life pre-motherhood, ‘I gave up a lot, but I gained so much more’
“The last thing I want is a friend crying to me over the phone, holding her newborn, telling me she’s not cut out for this. So, I told her the truth. That most nights I sleep 4 hours. My relationship suffered, my body changed, and I got the baby blues. That I’m still mourning the carefree girl I was before, who loved not knowing what tomorrow would bring. I’m still letting her go.”
‘When can I see the baby?’ New moms hear over and over, before she’s even left the hospital.’: Mom reminds us to ‘nurture the mother’ post-delivery
“Before she’s had a chance to sleep. Before she’s showered off the blood. ‘When can I come see the baby?’ Her estrogen and progesterone levels are plummeting. She’s shaky. Hot, cold, sweaty, and weak. Her crotch is swollen, puffy. She has stretch marks, hair loss, acne, blurry vision, and dry eyes. When you walk into her house, look at HER. Admire the baby, sure. But don’t forget to nurture the mother.”
‘I can do this, right?’ I scanned the faces around me, absolutely mortified. ‘Of course. Just take your shirt off!’ Peopled waved, said hello. Where were the looks of disgust?!’ Mom embraces plus-size beach body to set example for daughter
“I spent years trying to sabotage my marriage in hopes he’d leave me for someone skinny. Day after day, I’d tell myself how nasty, disgusting, fat I was. I had no idea my gorgeous daughter was listening. She started saying how fat she was. How ugly. I was HORRIFIED. I knew I needed to make a change.”
‘We were forced into an abortion. ‘Don’t hold her too close. Your warmth and heartbeat will confuse her into staying alive.’ We were left alone with our baby as the staff waited for her die.’
“I was given 2 tablets. At 3:43 p.m., I delivered a baby girl. The image seared in my mind is of her little arm stretching into the air. She was alive. ALIVE. Surely, the nurse wasn’t going to let her die, right? But as our girl fought to stay alive, nobody on staff seemed to care.”
‘GET HIM AWAY FROM ME!’ I pushed him toward my husband’s lap. I resented him. I felt out of body. Then, BOOM. We were home.’
“Then, everything shifted. ‘You don’t have CANCER, you can GET OVER IT’. My husband was like a deer in the headlights. The phone rings. What? How? I can’t do this AGAIN without them.”
‘I felt a POP down you know where. ‘No! This can’t be!’ Tears streaming, I peeked between my legs. ‘What do we do now?’ I wanted a ‘perfect’ pregnancy. I now know I was totally oblivious.’
“We hadn’t prepared for this scenario. ‘NO!’ I cried. ‘I don’t want a c-section! Please! I don’t want a c-section!’ Crazy-eyed, I waddled as gushes of warm liquid ran down my legs. I completely lost it!”
‘I gave birth to my sixth baby just six weeks ago. I have porn star-sized boobs as my milk finally came in. I’m wondering if I’ll ever look ‘normal down there’ ever again.’
“We all are so well prepared through pregnancy. Now, it feel like I’m giving birth all over again when I poop. I’m wearing mesh panties and bought more when I ran out of my hospital stash.”
‘The precious time I should’ve had with my newborn was stolen from me. My patience was tried, my marriage tested. I was at rock bottom with no way up. I needed to prove I was a good mom.’
“The village you need to raise a baby felt more like a ghost town. I had no clue what I was doing. There was endless crying, anxiety so severe I didn’t leave the house, stretch marks, flab, puffiness. I despised it all. All I could think was, ‘It has to be better than this.'”
