“She goes unconscious. My mother is holding her scalp to her head, screaming for a knife, towel, and scissors to cut her loose. My aunt is calling 911. Everyone is coming in and out of the room trying to figure out a plan. The world stops. I’m terrified to turn around.”
‘I heard a scream. The engine shut off. ‘Mommy, I’m scared!’ Her eyes were rolling to the back of her head. Time stops. I drop to my knees. ‘Lani, my baby girl! Please wake up!’
‘He left me in the woods alone and stole my phone. I woke up cold, scared. I became the talk of the school. Weeks later, I found out I was pregnant.’
“No one came to see me at the hospital. It took my ‘friends’ a year and half to even notice I was gone. Until one day I was caught at the school by the gym teacher in the girl’s bathroom. ‘You should’ve just killed yourself a faster way and got it over with.’ Soon after, I met a man.”
‘You need to decide to pull the plug or not.’ My mom gave me a faint smile. She had tears in her eyes. She tried to say something, but I stopped her. I already knew.’
“I didn’t cry. I actually laughed. There was no possible way my dad could die. When we got to the hospital, he realized I was in the room with him. Just then, he got a surge of energy. ‘You are my sunshine,’ he told me. Seconds later, I walked in and made the decision.”
‘My parents weren’t home. My brothers and I were playing hide and seek. He found me instead. With my eyes closed, I tried not to move. I hoped it would be over fast so I could go back to playing.’
“My mom stormed into my room. ‘Is this true?’ Her face was red. Confused, I looked her in the eyes and lied. I really wanted her to know. For her to hug me and tell me it was okay. It wasn’t until I was much older that I realized it wasn’t normal.”
‘I drove to Starbucks and wondered if this bike was my 43-year-old son’s. He was arrested, lost his job and wife, and is homeless. Everywhere I go, every corner I turn, I wonder where he is.’
“It rips my heart out that I had to finally walk away. Within 48 hours, he was out of my house with his bicycle and backpack. I couldn’t bear the chaos any longer. I fear I will get that phone call or knock on the door telling me my son is dead.”
‘At 17, I got pregnant with an older man with 3 kids. Months after labor, blood was trickling from my baby’s mouth. ‘Everything is going to be okay. It has to be.’ I begged him to breathe.’
“He was unusually fussy the night before, but eventually fell asleep. I got up to make lunch and then it happened. I cry. I fall. I cannot breathe. I need to call my mom. She thinks it’s a joke. The police are here to question us.”
‘Just be a good boy and relax,’ he said. He was my teacher. Other men watched. Next was a priest and a trio of monks. I was 11 and my parents didn’t know.’
“I put on my backpack, left school, and walked across the street. I was surprised to be greeted by two smiling men who didn’t offer me a Coke, but real alcohol. I was flattered to be included in such grown-up activity. All three of us got into the car. I was naïve to their motives.”
‘If you EVER speak out, I know where the bullets are.’ I walked in the snow for miles in short sleeves. I woke up in the hospital, angry I survived, and pulled out all the hospital tubes.’
“I looked up from my bed and saw my mother and sister at the door. The look in their eyes is something I never want to see again. I feared that I had to be cured. I wish I had seen the warning signs.’
‘Get out,’ he said. He left me on the side of the road and ran over my phone. It was pouring rain. I was in my pajamas, barefoot. ‘Mom, I think I made a mistake.’
“It was New Year’s Eve and I was four days late for my period. I felt a hot flash and burning sensation spread across my face. I awoke to his voice. ‘Who is this guy you’ve been texting?’”
‘I was 4 years old. I had on my plaid dress. He interrupted my nap and locked the bedroom door. When I told my dad, he said, ‘WHY did you need to share this? Can’t you see how upset your mother is?’
“I remember the pillow soaking with tears as he shushed me. I never meant to tell anyone. It was a secret I had decided to carry to the grave.”
