“I had been placed in a small, windowless hospital room that was 80 degrees. I was rotating between sweating because I was warm to shivering from having cold sweats. The medicines from labor were messing with me. I tried to keep it together but whenever a nurse left my room, I burst out crying. There was so much paperwork to fill out. I was alone.”
‘I had a hard time clothing her. I was sure I’d break her neck.’: New mom recalls ‘mean, vicious cold days’ in throes of postpartum anxiety
‘My dad began boarding up the windows for fear of people watching him. Spending nights in our attic filming neighbors. Insisting there was footage of a red laser being shined into his room.’
“My father was not a part of my life early on. He was successful businessman and wasn’t ready for a kid. But my mom was struggling, and he could give me what my mom couldn’t. Until he changed too.”
‘My child’s father was leaving me. I was a new mother to a 3-month-old baby girl. The only items I had were a bag of clothes and a computer. She didn’t deserve any of this.’
“I looked around, saw a bedroom with a blow-up mattress, a kitchen with hardly any food, and only a few baby items. I then looked at my daughter sleeping so sweetly. Something inside me broke; I told her it would be the last night I would EVER put her in these circumstances.”
‘Our daughter was referred to as a number, I still remember that number to this day. I dropped to my knees and cried and begged and pleaded.’
“I felt so guilty, why couldn’t my body handle being pregnant?”
‘Weeks before boot camp, he said, ‘What if we get married?!’ I knew the risks. The statistics were against us. But if I said no, I knew every ounce of me would regret it.’ Military spouse candidly recounts ‘navigating the chaos’ of marrying, conceiving young
“When I got pregnant, we had a fairy tale image of what our little life would look like. NO ONE tells you the effect a baby can have on your relationship with your spouse. We went from the comforts of our family homes to navigating life on our own. From regular date nights and weekend outings to sleeping in shifts. We barely spoke. Our connection and intimacy had gone numb.”
‘I will never forget her eyes. She looked directly at me, shouting to get the doctor. ‘What’s going on, what’s happening?’ ‘The cord is hanging out of you.’ ‘What does that mean?’
“I’m rolling down the hall looking at lights in the ceiling as I go by. I wake up and Jade’s standing there with Layla. But something isn’t right. I’m keeping a secret from everyone.”
‘After losing twins, we thought we’d paid our dues. Our life’s suffering was now complete. We were wrong.’: Mom loses ‘rainbow baby’ with heart defects, knows she will meet him ‘in heaven’
“We were overjoyed at my pregnancy. New life was coming! But scans and tests told us it’d come with major heart defects, a missing chamber, faulty valves, and an aorta split into 2 pieces. Blindness. Deafness. A cleft lip and palate. Still, doctors were hopeful. Until they weren’t. ‘He’s a sick guy.’ I was told this in a ‘why the long face? didn’t you expect this?’ kinda way.”
‘That’s the most disgusting thing I’ve ever seen.’ Sharing twin bump photos was my first shock. Then the babies actually arrived.’: Mom embraces postpartum belly after twins, encourages us to ‘love ourselves’ no matter our size or shape
“My husband was on military duty, and I was all alone. He’d joked with me the weeks before that I was definitely having twins because I was already showing, and he was right. My body was and is completely different. I have these 2 new precious lives, but also this brand-new belly, stretch marks, and lose skin. As a fitness trainer, I no longer ‘fit the part’ with chiseled abs and a six pack.”
‘The baby suddenly gagged and then violently vomited what seemed to be a weeks’ worth of breast milk. I held her up and she was lifeless. She was unresponsive.’
“I immediately told my oldest to dial 9-1-1. She was trembling. I was trying to figure out if the baby was breathing. I realized my oldest was unable to call; she dialed 1-9-9 in utter fear.”
‘I was rocking my crying baby in his bassinet, bubbling with rage. My hands going white from gripping the bassinet so hard. I shook it forcefully and I screamed, ‘What do you want?!”
“I loved my baby, so how could I be depressed? But I was. I was suffocating. I was literally gasping for air.”
