“My Memaw had a brain aneurysm that left her unable to live alone when I was 15, followed quickly by dementia. She didn’t always know who we were. Some days she talked. Some days she didn’t. Some days she had it together. And some day, well, some days were rough.”
‘Somehow, she still managed to pray for each one of her children and grandchildren, by name, every single night. The nurses were always stunned by this. But we never were.’
‘Ladies, don’t settle. Wait. Trust. There is a man who will make you feel safe. Who will calm your fears. Who will make you feel beautiful daily. Who will fight for you.’
“Wait. Do not ever settle for less. And please – Don’t ever think you will change the heart of a man that is not these things. You can’t. You won’t.”
‘My doctor held my hand and started, ‘Tami…’ In that moment, I knew. I couldn’t breathe because I knew. Or at least I thought I did. My heart exploded with relief!’
“We were walking out of the house when a feather floated right in front of us. As we sat enjoying our morning coffee, another tiny feather made an appearance. On the drive home, I kept thinking … two feathers … what does that mean? But I had a hunch. I went straight to the bathroom and found a pregnancy test.”
‘He is coming!’ I was alone. I was in denial. My husband was deployed. I couldn’t possibly be giving birth without my two partners present.’
“Is my baby boy okay? All I wanted was my husband. Waiting for him to arrive at the hospital felt like a lifetime. When he arrived I collapsed into his arms sobbing. He asked what was wrong, but I could barely get the words out.”
‘I want to be a good mom. Why won’t he let me be one?’ I sat in the chair and cried. I sought a counselor’s advice on what I was doing wrong. I was so tired of fighting.’
“I’ll say, ‘don’t do that again.’ He’ll look me square in the eyes, and do it again. And again. And again. I must be royally screwing everything up.”
‘Hear me out, before you say anything.’ Those are the first words I heard. ‘It’s a girl and she’s due next month.’ I could barely speak.’
“My husband cut me off mid-sentence and simply said, ‘Yes, this is our daughter.’ Before we hung up, I could hear him telling everyone around him, ‘I’m going to be a dad.’”
‘They tell us a baby boy has been born in Texas, our home state. They don’t know many details, but ask if we would be interested. I cannot imagine what she must be feeling.’
“The next hour is a blur. She has until 12:30 to make her final decision and she is spending the morning cuddling her sweet boy.”
‘Did you have genetic testing done?’ I went into panic mode. My cheeks got hot, mouth dry and how did my tongue suddenly get too big for my mouth? I said no. ‘Do you see something?’
“I stared deep into my friend’s eyes, begging, ‘is he okay? I can’t see his face.’ My husband reluctantly showed me. He knew what I yet didn’t. No one did. No one believed us. I said it. I said what I had been internalizing all along.”
‘I started to get that pit in my stomach, telling me there was a problem. I went to his room. He was laying on his tummy. I patted his butt, thinking he was still sleeping. He didn’t respond.’
“It was like watching a movie. I wasn’t there. I was watching this poor mom kneeling by her baby boy praying and crying, trying to bring him back. I remember standing in the living room with the cops. Thinking, ‘They’ll save him. They have to save him. They can do it.’”
‘I drove home crying, feeling forgotten. That same night, I received a call. ‘We have a 4-day old baby in the NICU who needs a family. We think it should be you.’
“I got home and, on a whim, took a test. It was POSITIVE. Let me remind you, we NOW have a 3-year-old, 2-year-old, 9-month-old, and two foster daughters, ages 2 and 7. Okay, you are just messing with us, right?”