“I desperately breathe air into my child. Medics rush in. Suddenly, I hear voices, machines. I’m listening for that cry I know. Everything pauses. They wrap her in a soft white blanket, slowly walking towards me as if presenting a gift. I push back, pleading with tears. I beg the doctors to try just a little longer.”
‘I rose as normal and glanced at the clock. ‘Let me wake her and change her diaper.’ I drop to my knees. 911 operator: ‘Whats your emergency?’ I scream, ‘My baby’s not breathing!’
‘She was HIV+ and we knew she was our daughter. Time stopped when we saw her. She was absolutely beautiful and perfect, but her oversized clothes hung loosely on her tiny frail body.’
“We were looking for a child with HIV. When we learned she was positive, we KNEW she was the one. She was 2 years old and only weighed 15 pounds. I started seeing a trauma counselor. James learned how to breath in public again, knowing no one was coming after us. Then BAM – Morning sickness!”
‘I got pregnant too early in my relationship. I went home on my lunch break, positive test in my pocket. I was terrified to hand it over to him, but knew I had to. What were we going to do?’
“I started feeling ‘off’. I burst into tears. Everyone insisted I was just anxious. All I could do was pray my blood pressure went down, and my placenta hung in there. 30 seconds into my scheduled ultrasound, my doctor told me she was taking me to the operating room.”
‘There I was, crying over my newborn daughter, looking at my husband’s arm around another woman. I begged him to talk to me in person. He never called, never texted. My world flipped.’
“I had done everything right. The last 4 years were wiped away without reason. My mind kept replaying every situation over and over again. Not only was I going to school, working, and dealing with my parents’ divorce, but I was now about to be a single mom. I prayed for a sign I’d be okay.”
‘If I was so miserable, I should leave.’ Eventually, I did. Our marriage looked perfect on social media. We always believed in keeping our issues private.’
“Our wedding day was intimate. But behind the façade were underlying issues that left a bad taste in my mouth. I was put on the back burner. I was failing him because he was expecting me to prepare a home-cooked meal every day while also juggling maintaining a home and breastfeeding our son.”
‘Since my divorce, I’ve seen a plastic surgeon every month. Not for Botox. I had to face what I’d done with every shower, every decision to wear short sleeves or a bathing suit.’
“I had surprised my family with it. My husband told me he loved what I’d done to myself, but what he didn’t tell me was that he was having an affair. I often wonder what he must’ve felt when he saw his name on my wrist and knew he was lying.”
‘Millions of dollars later, we’re finally home. I get to spend each day with the most amazing 14-pound child imaginable. Dammit, Baby B.’
“I bled abundantly, but both babies continued to grow. My husband and I would leave appointments joking ‘dammit Baby B!,’ partially to prepare her for a lifetime of playful comparison, and partially to protect ourselves if something ever happened. We went into our 20-week scan assuming things were perfectly fine. They weren’t.”
‘I gave birth to a beautiful Chinese baby in which I share zero genes with. HE DIDN’T GET THE MEMO.’
“I now had a 4-year-old, a 2-year-old, and I was newly divorced. ‘How were you able to give up the baby?’ I felt like I signed my life away. They needed to make sure I wasn’t going to go crazy.”
‘The pain radiated from my stomach to my legs. I threw up. Finally, the fetus came out. I caught a glance of the baby in the toilet, before flushing it down.’
“I laid in the doctor’s office. Brandon stood there recording the whole thing, expecting to document the most exciting moment of our lives. She started asking me strange questions that seemed crazy at the time. It wasn’t until days later it hit me.”
‘There’s 1 thing NO ONE prepares you for as you enter parenthood. You feel like you’ve been pregnant 87 months. Next, that 7-pound baby you brought home is nowhere to be found.’
“The minutes creep by so slowly. You want to rush past the stage of night feedings, teething, and being so needed all the time. Then, before you know it, their childhood is slipping right through your fingers.”
