“When the doctors delivered him, I didn’t cry with joy, I didn’t ask to see him. I guess I must have dozed off for a second, and he rolled off my chest and hit the side rail. Most moms would have freaked out. My thought was, ‘Oh well.'”
‘I wasn’t sure if I wanted to tell him I was pregnant. I found out he had been cheating. Just 3 months before, he learned he had a son from a previous relationship. I was a fool.’
‘You were sending me strange text messages. I returned home to you acting even stranger. The paranoia set in. You accused me of infidelity. I did not recognize this man screaming at me.’
“I got the boys from school. We went straight home. I could feel your presence had been there. I went into your closet and your guns were missing. Two hours later, there was a knock on our door. I looked out the peep hole and there was a man dressed nicely with a manila envelope.”
‘It was my daughter’s birthday. I was sitting, my feet in the river. I heard a yell. ‘She’s in the water!’ I turned. She was completely under water, face down. Pure panic went through my mind.’
“Rylee wanted to get closer to the other kids and went forward on the step more than she should have and slipped in. She was completely engulfed. I could see about half an inch of the top of her head. Without hesitation, I dove in after her. The current was taking her away rapidly. I could barely keep my head above water.”
‘I was an intern. He was the manager. I was in his home with his wife and kids. He knew what he did was wrong, but that he could get away with it. That same year, the unthinkable happened.’
“I didn’t know what to say or do. I was frozen. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t concentrate. My mind pretended like it never happened. I felt like I couldn’t ‘risk my career’ by speaking up, so I remained silent. I kept thinking to myself, ‘Just graduate and get a job.’”
‘My parents weren’t home. My brothers and I were playing hide and seek. He found me instead. With my eyes closed, I tried not to move. I hoped it would be over fast so I could go back to playing.’
“My mom stormed into my room. ‘Is this true?’ Her face was red. Confused, I looked her in the eyes and lied. I really wanted her to know. For her to hug me and tell me it was okay. It wasn’t until I was much older that I realized it wasn’t normal.”
‘The ultrasound said, ‘It’s a girl!’ I cried on the way home and tried to hide my disappointment. I felt so guilty I couldn’t bond with her in the womb. My dream fell apart before my eyes.’
“I was holding on to some slender chance that the ultrasound tech was mistaken. I was afraid of having a little girl because of my mother. It would be impossible to have a relationship with my daughter. I was terrified.”
‘The intensity of our fights made me think he loved me. We’d break up, get back together. I was addicted to chaos. When he returned from Iraq, he said, ‘Bad news. You’re both going to jail.’
“I saw his eyes change and I knew I was in trouble. My jaw dropped. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. We figured once we moved, our problem wouldn’t follow us. Turns out, wherever you go, your problems follow you!”
‘Stop saying adoption rocks. It doesn’t. And there’s a side to it no one wants to talk about.’
“The part where I cried when I couldn’t have children and the doctor told me to ‘man up’ because ‘the world population is too big anyway so just get a dog.’ The part where, despite my best efforts to love my child, she still says, ‘I want my other momma.'”
‘I drove to Starbucks and wondered if this bike was my 43-year-old son’s. He was arrested, lost his job and wife, and is homeless. Everywhere I go, every corner I turn, I wonder where he is.’
“It rips my heart out that I had to finally walk away. Within 48 hours, he was out of my house with his bicycle and backpack. I couldn’t bear the chaos any longer. I fear I will get that phone call or knock on the door telling me my son is dead.”
‘At 17, I got pregnant with an older man with 3 kids. Months after labor, blood was trickling from my baby’s mouth. ‘Everything is going to be okay. It has to be.’ I begged him to breathe.’
“He was unusually fussy the night before, but eventually fell asleep. I got up to make lunch and then it happened. I cry. I fall. I cannot breathe. I need to call my mom. She thinks it’s a joke. The police are here to question us.”
