publix

‘When’s the baby coming?’ My face turns red in Starbucks. I’m not pregnant, and I’ve been struggling to be.’: Woman battling infertility reminds us ‘words have weight,’ vows to ‘never give up’

“I manage a smile and lie. ‘Soon.’ I rush out the door, no coffee in hand, and cry in my jeep. Those extra 40 pounds are grief weight. My body starts to feel like a cruel joke. ‘When are you having kids?’ ‘Have kids already!’ ‘I’m ready to be a grandma. The clock is ticking!’ they say. But when I stillbirth? No questions. No words. Just silence. My husband battles silent resent. There’s no baby, so there’s no marriage. These weren’t the vows I signed up for.”

‘They grow up fast. You’ll miss this someday.’ REALLY? I’m going to miss being tortured by my 2 kids wrestling like bear cubs in a grocery store?’: Mom says it’s okay to ‘not love every part of motherhood,’ admits her kids can be ‘brutally annoying’

“I was at the grocery store today with my kids when I said a little too loudly, NOT in my mom voice, ‘I love you, but you’re REALLY annoying me.’ A young couple walked by, with no kids. ‘Well, that was brutally honest.’ I was judgingly told I’d miss this part of motherhood. I promise, I won’t. And it’s totally OK to tell your kids they’re being annoying when you’ve broken up 19 fights before you even got to the store.”

‘I stood in line, filling the medication that would remove the life within me. I looked at my fiancé. ‘I’m going home and grabbing my camera.’ If I didn’t do this, I’d regret it for the rest of my life.’

“I headed to the hospital. I remember being in the room, feeling blood dripping from my body. I watched my friend’s body bleed simultaneously, signs of life, as she waited to bring her baby into the world. A life leaving and a life beginning all in the same room at the same moment. I was transfixed.”

For our best love stories, subscribe to our free email newsletter: