rainbow

‘Someone commented on my postpartum appearance. I cried instantly. You have a choice, every day. Will you heal or will you hurt?’: New mom receives hurtful comment, ‘It did a number on my heart’

“It did a number on my already-raw heart. A week later, I was FaceTiming my mother-in-law. I kept the camera angled towards my husband Luke—careful to ensure no one caught a glimpse of my healing body I was suddenly insecure about. During the call, I was thrust into the camera view.”

‘Goodbye Jaci,’ I scream at the fragments of glass. ‘I can’t continue on this path. I must cut myself free of all of you, if I want to fly.’: Woman describes her rebirth, ‘I have found myself.’

“In a panic now, I pray. I put my hands up to my bloody mouth and pray long and hard and more fervently than I have ever prayed before. I can’t go back. I won’t. ‘Please help me.’ I will not look behind me anymore. There is no going back. I must break free from the cage I have held my self in for so long.”

‘You alright, mama? It’s a beautiful day!’ He was right. We were about to meet our angel baby.’: Mom welcomes rainbow baby on exact same day she birthed stillborn year prior, ‘the most special sign I’ve ever received’

“I chose to birth Gigi. On induction day, my son ran in with the biggest smile on his face, jumping in our bed for cuddles. I held him tight, tears running down my face. ‘Ty, I am about to birth her.’ He looked right into my eyes. ‘Juss, I am so proud of you.’ We returned home just in time to tuck my son into bed. I shared a special story with him that night. ‘Your baby sister is safe in the stars. We are lucky to have our very own angel watching over us, forever.’”

‘She is healthy and finally in my arms, thank God.’ I’d be lying if I said I was ‘okay’ at that moment. I wasn’t.’: Mom of rainbow baby kept pregnancy a secret as long as she could, feared losing pregnancy after miscarriage, ‘I doubted everything’

“I needed to go in for surgery. This terrified me. I thought I could handle the pain – I was wrong. I was in the bathtub. Tears flood my eyes. My daughter sat next to the tub, sharing blue raspberry Jell-O. ‘Do you need to take a bath? I can eat Jell-O with you.’ She is the most caring, sweet, and loving 3-year-old. Finally, it was announced we had a girl, her cord was cut, and she was laid on my chest. I was still sure something bad was going to happen.”

‘I flat out asked, ‘Would I be able to take my own photos during my C-section?’ She looked puzzled.’: Woman photographs her own C-section after losing baby in same OR last year, ‘That is empowering as hell’

“Mike shouted, ‘It’s a boy!’ I was clicking away, fighting back tears, trying to see my new babe, focus my camera. This was a surreal experience. Just 371 days before, in the exact same OR, our little Clark was also pulled out at this exact same spot. But there was no crying, no excited cheers, no shouts of ‘it’s a boy!’ He was born still. We knew our Clark sent this little one from heaven to be with us. Teddy’s birth was not only empowering, it was incredibly healing, too.”

‘He had curly blond hair, a perfect nose, pouty lips. They told me he was beautiful. I didn’t get to see.’: Mother survives ‘worst trauma’ after losing newborn son, insists daughter will grow up knowing big brother is ‘watching over her’

“I made the decision not to see and hold Jensen. It’s one of my biggest regrets I’ll ever have in my life. Honestly, I didn’t know how I could do it. I didn’t realize the permanence of him being really gone. Instead, I asked for a lock of his hair, and for them to take pictures of him. I wish I could go back to that moment, spend time kissing him. I wish I could’ve whispered in his ear, ‘I love you.’”

‘In a Waffle House bathroom, I wiped. Bright red blood. Stunned, ‘Oh my God, this can’t be happening again.’: Couple suffers 5 miscarriages to finally welcome surprise rainbow baby, ‘All 9 of my children are and were a gift from God’

“I called the doctor. ‘It should be ok, sometimes people spot. Just come in when you’re back.’ The bright red spotting didn’t stop our entire beach trip. We get to the doctors, in the same ultrasound room as our last baby. I stare at the same ugly ceiling, look at the same vagina poster. I yearn for baby to be ok like the babies pictured in the hideous Sears-looking newborn photos on the wall. It was not ok. The words came once again. ‘I’m sorry.’ Silence. Again. 5 times.”

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