“I made a phone call that no mom ever wants to get. Within an hour, my mom was at my apartment and I will never forget the look of absolute terror on her face.”
‘I woke up handcuffed to a hospital bed covered in my own vomit, dirt and mud caked in my ears and under my perfectly manicured acrylic nails.’
‘He was my best friend. The last thing he said to me was: ‘I’m ok mom, I love you too.’ That was at 10:20 on Saturday night.’
“He always answered my calls. But on Sunday morning, he didn’t. And I just knew. My son gave a gut wrenching scream that didn’t sound like it could come from a 6-year-old.”
‘I found out I was pregnant. My ex-boyfriend refused to believe the baby was his. We tried to come to a resolution, but within a month, he was found dead in his bed.’
“I had my first serious boyfriend. He was older. That is the night my destiny changed. I became very ill the next week. I had a severe fever, so physically exhausted I couldn’t even get out of bed.”
‘Molly, I am sick again. I promise I’m going to get better this time.’ I hang up, but she is all I can think about. How can I love her so much, and be such a constant source of disappointment?’
“I don’t want to catch a glimpse of her beautiful face in my mind. It hurts too much. She is so perfect. How can she still utter the words, ‘It’s okay mom, I love you’? I don’t deserve her love or her forgiveness.”
‘Her skin hardened within seconds. After hardening, it began to split. Behind the curtain, I sensed their frantic panic. My husband’s silence scared me. He kept saying, ‘It’s bad.’
“He told me, ‘Jennie, I looked in her eyes, and she has the most beautiful soul.’ Broken is the only way to describe the feeling as they placed her in my arms. They had never seen anything like this. She was fine; everything was perfect, and then it wasn’t — just like that.”
‘When Colton was 6 days old, I walked up to him when he was napping and found his top lip was blue and that he wasn’t responding.’
“Doctors were already prepping him for the incubator before I even could comprehend what was being said. We had to watch our son be hooked to a machine to get the oxygen his little body needed.”
‘It was a busy day for me in the ER. I had 5 very sick patients. When I checked my phone, I had 10 missed calls. I called my dad back and he told me to sit down. My heart instantly sank.’
“I scanned the monitors and medications as any good nurse would do. I then saw my sister. And I knew.”
‘Everything went dark, and when I came to, I had no idea if I had been out for 5 minutes or 5 hours. There was no one left to call, and no one was coming.’
“I started drinking at what felt like a normal age – 12 or 13 years old. I was in 7th grade. I had no idea pretty, little girls from affluent East Coast towns could wind up alcoholic.”
‘His mommy issues consumed him. He got involved with women who resembled his mother. He was in a dark, dark place. He looked for a way out of that pain, and what he found, was heroin.’
“He was sneaky, and he didn’t like to be told what to do. He loved me more than anything. He was so, so proud to have finally ‘conquered me,’ as he would say. But that love wasn’t enough.”
‘Realizing I was gay gave me feelings I was trying to numb. I felt like I was doing something wrong and if people found out, I wouldn’t be loved. I spent 15 years in a downward spiral.’
“I hated drugs, but I also couldn’t be away from them. My family had no idea what to do. You name it, they tried it in hopes of getting their son back – but it got a lot worse before it got better.”
