“I requested a detailed cellphone bill. That’s when our story changed. My stomach dropped as I saw the SAME phone number on page after page. He was Snapchatting with a single woman. Minutes later, he showed up at our house.”
‘He rubbed my wedding ring. ‘I don’t love you anymore. I don’t think I want to be married to you.’ It was like a sledgehammer in the chest. All I remember saying is, ‘You don’t mean that.’
‘He told me he was my master. He demanded complete obedience. He was always disappearing. He told me it was my fault. He told me I was crazy.’
“He took me to expensive restaurants. He remembered my favorite wine. He let me spend the night. I spent all my energy trying to impress him. I didn’t want to be a single mom. I didn’t want to be alone. I made the hardest decision of my life.”
‘Pack up your bags and leave. Get on the next flight,’ he said on our honeymoon. He left me alone in the hotel room and didn’t come back until morning. Left me to cry. He didn’t care.’
“I was visiting my parents after 4 months of being married, and I received a message. I was excited. I thought it would be an ‘I miss you’ message. But no. That is when I realized something.”
‘My innocence was taken by a 19-year-old. We jumped into a ‘relationship.’ I let him take me into bed because ‘My innocence was already taken. Why did I need to pretend like I had it?’
“I felt like I was important and loved. A few months later, my mom took me to the doctor. I was pregnant, at 15 years old. He hit me in the back of my head multiple times but he took me to Taco Bell after, so he still loved me. Where else would I go anyway?”
‘Have you ever considered foster custody of her?’ I was young. Really young. I didn’t want to be a mom. I felt the weight of his words and had to catch my breath.’
“On a whim, I booked a trip to visit my high school sweetheart. My life was literal chaos. That stranger looked me in the eyes and said, ‘Well done. Congratulations, you can take your daughter and go home.’ I hopped on an airplane the next morning in fear this could still all go terribly wrong.”
‘We sound like the beginning of a bad joke. A Black, Transracial, Mennonite Adoptee and a White Mennonite Midwesterner walk into a bar…’
“Eight years ago, I got in a car at midnight to eat bad cheese fries at a sketchy truck stop. I took a chance to be vulnerable with someone I didn’t know. And, it changed my life.”
‘We swiped right. She was heading on a huge trip. My first thought was: SHE’S ADVENTUROUS. Then she asked me if I’d join. My second thought was: SHE’S CRAZY.’
“Nevertheless, I booked all my flights. We had a match. We spent every single day together. It could have gone awry, but it didn’t. It became clearer that, ‘If you liked it, then you should have put a ring on it.’ So I did.”
‘My boyfriend woke me. ‘He is in the house.’ I checked the doors, all locked. I climbed back into bed. ‘I just saw him in the hall!’ I got up again. He was there. We heard a loud BOOM!’
“We started arguing and it woke my son up. Excited to see his dad, he ran to him. He picked him up, turned and walked out. He just took my son! I was in shock. She knew. She told me to pack a small bag and get the hell outta there.”
‘I got a call from my dad. In a moment of panic, I blurted quickly, ‘Dad, I’m pregnant.’ There was radio silence on his end. I remember thinking it would never get easier.’
“The friends I had gone to high school with tore me apart online for posting a picture of my baby and saying I loved him. ‘How can you say you love him when you didn’t even want him,’ they wrote. ‘You didn’t even want to be a mom.’”
‘Good job Mommy. You came just in time.’ I asked her why. She replied, ‘I didn’t want Addison to feel bad that I have two daddies, and she only has one.’
“‘Why would she feel bad?,’ I asked. It was in that moment, I knew I would never have to worry about Emma missing a piece of her heart. It never left her. Unlike her younger siblings, she has two daddies that love her. Her daddy here at home, and her daddy in heaven.”