“There’s nothing I want more than to see his beautiful smile. But part of being in love with someone struggling with mental health is dealing with the ugly. It’s true what they say. There is always a light at the end of the tunnel. But there’s also a damn dimmer switch in that tunnel too.”
‘There’s no quick fix. There WILL always be a next panic attack, a next day of self-harm or cloud of doubt. I started to feel I wasn’t enough for him. I couldn’t pray away the dark times.’
‘I lied to you,’ my fiancé said. ‘It has all been a lie.’ I felt sick to my stomach. He told me there had been another incident with the woman from work. Turns out, that was the LEAST of my problems.’
“‘I don’t want to get involved in a relationship with you until she is out of the picture,’ I told him. I asked him outright, ‘Is there anything I should be worried about?’ He reassured me, ‘no.’ I could see there was something on his mind. Nothing prepared me for what followed.”
‘He rubbed my wedding ring. ‘I don’t love you anymore. I don’t think I want to be married to you.’ It was like a sledgehammer in the chest. All I remember saying is, ‘You don’t mean that.’
“I requested a detailed cellphone bill. That’s when our story changed. My stomach dropped as I saw the SAME phone number on page after page. He was Snapchatting with a single woman. Minutes later, he showed up at our house.”
‘He was always disappearing. I created a picture-perfect life for others to gawk at and admire. I didn’t want to be alone.’: Single mom says leaving her abuser was the ‘hardest decision of my life’
“The changes in his behavior were subtle. The flirting and flattery mutated into backhanded compliments and criticisms. If I ever questioned his behavior or cruelty, he would dismiss my concerns. ‘I was just joking.’ ‘You shouldn’t be so sensitive.’ ‘Can’t you take a joke?’ I spent all my energy trying to impress him.”
‘My innocence was taken by a 19-year-old. We jumped into a ‘relationship.’ I let him take me into bed because ‘My innocence was already taken. Why did I need to pretend like I had it?’
“I felt like I was important and loved. A few months later, my mom took me to the doctor. I was pregnant, at 15 years old. He hit me in the back of my head multiple times but he took me to Taco Bell after, so he still loved me. Where else would I go anyway?”
‘He took off his glasses, looked me in the eye. ‘Congratulations. You can take your daughter home!’ After years of grueling, heart-wrenching time apart, the weight of the world lifted.’
“She was scared, I was scared, and I am certain we both knew it. I doubted every second that this difficult journey would ever end. I had to catch my breath. I hadn’t even begun to think three years into the future, but I knew I was ready.”
‘We sound like the beginning of a bad joke. A Black, Transracial, Mennonite Adoptee and a White Mennonite Midwesterner walk into a bar…’
“Eight years ago, I got in a car at midnight to eat bad cheese fries at a sketchy truck stop. I took a chance to be vulnerable with someone I didn’t know. And, it changed my life.”
‘We swiped right. She was heading on a huge trip. My first thought was: SHE’S ADVENTUROUS. Then she asked me if I’d join. My second thought was: SHE’S CRAZY.’
“Nevertheless, I booked all my flights. We had a match. We spent every single day together. It could have gone awry, but it didn’t. It became clearer that, ‘If you liked it, then you should have put a ring on it.’ So I did.”
‘My boyfriend woke me. ‘He is in the house.’ I checked the doors, all locked. I climbed back into bed. ‘I just saw him in the hall!’ I got up again. He was there. We heard a loud BOOM!’
“We started arguing and it woke my son up. Excited to see his dad, he ran to him. He picked him up, turned and walked out. He just took my son! I was in shock. She knew. She told me to pack a small bag and get the hell outta there.”
‘I got a call from my dad. In a moment of panic, I blurted quickly, ‘Dad, I’m pregnant.’ There was radio silence on his end. I remember thinking it would never get easier.’
“The friends I had gone to high school with tore me apart online for posting a picture of my baby and saying I loved him. ‘How can you say you love him when you didn’t even want him,’ they wrote. ‘You didn’t even want to be a mom.’”
