“We hid, for months. People started to suspect our relationship. We were pelted with rocks while waiting for the bus. We were spat on. Soon, her mom found out. They moved her 10 hours away. I barely had any contact with her. As the train arrived on the platform, she was waiting for me.”
‘Someone at school told me you’re gay.’ I couldn’t keep this secret any longer. I poured my heart out to her. I thought I’d lost my friend. Until my phone pinged. ‘I like you, too.’
‘Is she your real daughter? Who does she belong to?‘ At 4, I was adopted with my twin sister by a white Mennonite family in the heart of Amish country.’
“‘I bet you are so glad someone actually wanted you,’ a stranger told me. I am running through the grass, almost to the woods to find my biological mother. ‘My real mother!,’ I shout. ‘Hold still,’ my mom shouts, before I trip. She chased me, and scoops me up.”
‘I woke up next to my beloved husband with our 3 children across the hall, and realized I am no longer straight.’
“I paused what I was doing, took a deep breath, and asked, ‘Would you like to know something interesting about me?’ He said, ‘Yes, babe.’ He stopped washing the dishes, and turned to me. I broke down crying.”
‘I almost didn’t go in. I knew no one. All the women had head-coverings and I didn’t. I parked my car and prayed it was the right thing to do.’
“Tentatively, and with a teary catch in my throat, I asked ‘May I leave this sign?’ ‘Are you a Muslim?’ I said … ‘No, ma’am, Christian.’ To which she said — ‘We are all the same.’ I went in a stranger with a sign, and came out with a friend; hopefully for life.”
‘There was an envelope in the mail for me. ‘It’s a picture of you with a shawl around your head. Why are you wearing that?’ My stomach turned. I was scared to tell her.’
“I was no longer living a secret life. I could be free with my mom now, or so I thought…”
‘When I was 18 years old, I had an abortion. The reasons were deplorable. I was in my first year of college, with a boyfriend I no longer loved. When I was 23, I had another abortion.’
“Before I could blink, I had an adoring husband, a 2-year-old and I was fresh off the ache of a miscarriage. When a recent layoff made insurance scarce and the price of genetic testing unreasonable, I went without it when I became pregnant once again.”
When the devil looked my marriage in the eyes and said, ‘You are not worthy of a child, your body has failed you and your arms will forever be empty,’ God looked back and said, ‘Sit down.’
“It started on the cold lonely bathroom floor where I lay in a pool of my own blood, saying goodbye to the children my body could not protect, grow, and nurture. Three pregnancies in nine months that all end in miscarriage is not good for the body. Or the mind. Or the soul.”
‘Oh by the way – you’re going to meet your wife today.’ It was clear she did not want to talk to me. I went to bed that night and had a dream I was at my wedding. I was marrying this girl.
“A few nights later, I had a dream – it was just Kyle’s face. I woke up frustrated why this man I didn’t even know, who was in a relationship, was so clearly impressed in my mind.”
‘Let’s address the pornography issue. To those who think I ‘jumped ship,’ you’re right – I did. Because we were not yet married, it was not my job to ‘fix him.’’
“We already had over 300 wedding invitations sent out. We had to call every single one of those people and tell them what happened to inform them the wedding was off. Pornography addiction does not just affect you. It affects the people around you.”
‘I’m THAT girl that spent 6 months with a ring on her finger. That girl that planned an entire wedding, only to find out a week prior it was all a lie.’
“There isn’t a way in the world this could be true. I pleaded with God: ‘Please no… No. No. NO! Please don’t do this to me!'”
