“My first thought was, ‘Does your ATTITUDE, Janet?’ This was all because my 16-year-old daughter had to leave her boyfriend behind to see her sister graduate from COLLEGE. I thought she would ballet leap onto the plane. I was wrong, friends. I was so wrong.”
‘Do I need to separate you two?,’ the flight attendant asked. Wait. WHAT? I looked up from my magazine, confused. My kid sniffled. ‘Nothing gets better at 30,000 feet,’ she continued.’
‘John was my PATIENT, and I was married. With tears streaming down my face, I looked at him. ‘Do you want to get married?’ We held each other in the tightest hug, and just sobbed. Hard.’
“I was working in an oncology clinic. John was a new patient. I couldn’t help but notice his sparkling eyes, and nervous smile. His doctor came in and held his hand. ‘It’s time, John.’”
‘Slightly panicked, I asked where she’d like to go for the first date. Anywhere in the city. ‘Steak-n-Shake. I want you to see me in all my glory,’ she replied. That’s when I truly started to fall in love.’
“I like to think I am funny, so I used the movie quote, ‘My idea of a perfect date is April 25th…’ I truly thought nothing more of it, until a few days later, when she matched with me. She sent me a message to my Tinder inbox. ‘Because it’s not too hot, not too cold. All you need is a light Jacket.’ I was surprised.”
‘I was cleaning my wedding ring. I’m a ‘guys’ guy. My hands stay banged up and dirty. I work on cars, the yard, they get dirty. My ring bares the brunt.’
“Friends have asked why I take the time to clean it when it will get dirty and no one will notice a difference. ‘You’re the man, no one cares how pretty your ring is’. Here’s the thing. IT. DOES. MATTER. Why?”
‘It was our 11-year wedding anniversary. I had been up since 5:30 a.m. I cooked an entire breakfast by myself. I picked up the house, did laundry. All alone.’
“You might be saying, ‘Oh no, where is the romance? Why is your husband working on your anniversary? How could he ever do that?! My husband would never!”
‘I’m sorry when you want to have sex, I just want 10 minutes alone. I’m sorry you’re always questioning what happened to the girl you fell in love with.’
“I wish we could still be this much in love, this touchy feely, this happy, but we aren’t. I wish I could tell you things will change, but I can’t.”
‘Dear husband, please don’t give up on us.’
“I remember us as newlyweds and how obnoxious we used to be. Holding hands everywhere, sneaking kisses. I wish I could be that girl for you, but I just can’t. I’m gross. I’m exhausted. If one more person touches me, I may lose it.”
‘We’re not dealing with infidelity, as far as I am aware. But I want to leave my husband, and here’s why.’
“It’s not far-fetched for you to assume I would want to leave my spouse or that he would want to part ways with me; we drive each other crazy.”
‘I came down for breakfast and Bill was busy writing. He told me he was jotting down notes for his memorial service. What? What do you mean ‘memorial service?’ I never made it to the office that day.’
“Just as I was starting to feel some tiny relief from losing my dad, Bill started coughing again. We both knew what the cough was from.”
‘Dear husband, This is why your wife doesn’t want to be touched in bed tonight.’
“Because while she was thrilled to do a poo from her morning coffee, her children came in and tried to see what was in the toilet bowl and throw their toys down there.”
