shock

‘I took maternity photos in the dress I wore to my husband’s funeral.’

“I didn’t know I was pregnant on the day of the funeral. Clothes were strewn about in a panic as I rummaged through every drawer, hamper and closet 2 hours before I was supposed to meet the photographer. Then I saw it. Hanging quietly in the corner where it had remained for the last 7 months.”

‘My doctor told my 12-year-old self I’d still have children, but since I was so young, she never went into details. ‘Your doctors never cleaned out your abdomen in surgery,’ I learned. I was betrayed.’

“The receptionist sounded confused. ‘You already have an appointment scheduled for today. It’s your post-operation check. How did the surgery go?’ Chills went down my spine. I asked her to keep the appointment, but change it to ‘pregnancy confirmation.’ I can’t believe this.”

‘I got my bags in the car. ‘Don’t worry, I’m NOT going to come home wanting to adopt.’ My husband shook his head. I was so nervous, I was going to puke. I wasn’t sure WHY I was going.’

“It was a normal Tuesday. I looked down to see them calling. ‘They will have his visa ready on THURSDAY!’ I replied, ‘Like in 2 days, THURSDAY?’ Tears started streaming down my face. ‘WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?’ I couldn’t speak. All I heard was, ‘Book your flight. Go get your son.’”

‘We were both speechless. ‘We’re almost 40 and we’ll be changing diapers again!,’ my husband finally muttered. I didn’t say a word. I was so shocked, my jaw on the ground with tears in my eyes.’

“Two children in Heaven, one here on earth; we were at peace. We signed the paperwork with the fertility clinic to finally close that chapter in our lives. Six months later, we were relaxing with a bottle of wine. Before I poured a glass, I ran upstairs. I was ‘late.’ I barely glanced at it, assuming it would be negative.”

‘Holy FREAKING COW,’ I yelled. FOUR babies?! Is that even possible? I wasn’t even doing IVF! There must be a mistake, I can’t be having four babies! But there they were, quadruplets.’

“The doctor gasped, ‘Oh.’ I couldn’t bring myself to look. But when I did, there were 2 babies – twins! ‘Oh my goodness, oh my goodness.’ But wait. Now it’s triplets?! How. Does. This. Happen. We would need a bigger house. Then, she replied, ‘‘No, all FOUR are healthy with heartbeats.’ FOUR?!?!”

‘I got with my boyfriend in July. By November, I was pregnant. We had been ‘irresponsible.’ We dealt with it. I convinced myself I’d killed my baby. I couldn’t look at my daughter without crying.’

“The thing is, I also got pregnant many years before at age 24. It was the first time I’d had unprotected sex, and I had split up with the father. Having a termination was my only option. This has hugely troubled me the past 3 years, but I’m not ashamed to talk about it.”

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