“They get sad and say, ‘but you’re so young!’ You never truly know what people are going through. I had family members tell me, ‘We’re sorry for not visiting, but it was too hard to see you go through this.’ Or that seeing me would make it ‘all too real.’ It is real.”
‘But you don’t look sick.’ My mom said, ‘There is no way, the chances are so low, it would be very rare.’ She was right. The risk is less than one percent, but I fell into that percentage.’
‘I thought, ‘How is THIS nothing to worry about?’ The walls were closing in. Everything turned black and I couldn’t move my body. ‘It’s common for college students to be under a lot of stress.’
“I decided to request one specific blood test; one that was much harder to receive than it should have been. I had to basically force my doctor to test me. One week later, I was finally given the answer I had been longing so badly for.”
‘Then I received this email. ‘Hi there, My dad has been fighting cancer. Dad is getting weaker by the day. We have to do this as soon as possible.’
“I couldn’t keep it together to talk on the phone. This is a very difficult and dark time, but I know how you feel about love. We are throwing this plan together really fast. We don’t know how long we have.”
‘School was torture. People made fun of me for ‘going to the bathroom too much.’ They thought I was anorexic. The doctor tried to dismiss me, telling me I had nothing but the stomach flu.’
“I noticed my husband and mother exchange a very worried look. He told me this was likely the cause of all my problems since I was 4 years old. He also decided it was a good idea to tell me his last patient with this condition died.”
‘My friends ghosted me when my mom died.’
“I didn’t see it then, I just noticed the calls became less frequent and the invites were scarce. I turned around and it was like everyone just disappeared.”
‘I take him to the doctor. ‘It’s an emergency!’ I remembered someone put sliced potatoes in their child’s sock, and it helped them feel better. No runny nose, he was cured. So, I did it!’
“I’ll tell you what it DID do. It made my husband think I had lost my mind when the baby is screaming and instead of being with him, I’m in the kitchen stomping around, gathering potatoes like a farmer and trying to slice them like I’m prepping to scalloped potatoes, like a mad woman, chanting, ‘Potatoes! He needs potatoes!’”
‘I wish I could prepare you for the news you’ll receive just hours after snapping this blissful picture. I know you’ve been worried about the size of your happy baby’s belly.’
“He’s such a happy, calm baby. He’s never been sick, so you know there has to be an easy solution to whatever is causing his belly to appear big… A simple solution that may bring a few small moments of fear and discomfort, but after that, all will be fine.”
‘I received a message. My entire body began shaking. To the woman who called me SICK for talking about my children who died, my heart hurts for you.’
“You need to get past this, it’s so sick. Please, please get help. It’s so sick. Lay them to rest and move on. Get therapy but don’t drag your husband and child through this. So so sick. Please stop.”
‘Is she going to die? Is she going to be ok?,’ I wailed hysterically. She paused. ‘I hope so.’ I started to see spots and my lips started to go numb. I was going into shock. ‘I feel lightheaded.’
“It started like any other cold. Runny nose, sniffles, a light headache. ‘I don’t feel good, mom,’ she complained that morning, 5 days before. ‘Me neither,’ I groaned. I was suffering as well, and I assumed we both had the same thing.”
‘IT’S A BOY!,’ they said as they held him up over the sheet. She turned and looked at me. ‘That’s your baby.’ It was the most incredible moment of my life.’
“The next day I walked into our apartment building to find Evan on his knees sobbing. The doctor had called.”
