“I lived in terror after my daughter died. I had to turn on the light every 5 minutes to check on my kids, because I knew for certain one of them had stopped breathing. I didn’t realize I had PTSD. I just felt like I was losing my mind. I was so stressed, the panic just kept coming. Many people think PTSD only happens to soldiers. It doesn’t.”
‘I saw my kids dead, over and over. It was my constant fear.’: Mom suffers severe PTSD after losing daughter to Sudden Unexplained Death in Childhood
‘Mom she’s gone, I just know.’ I sat on my stairs with my front door open, in shock.’: How this ‘broken’ mother helps other parents of child loss heal after her own tragedy
“Seeing my sweet baby girl laying in a huge bed, much too big for her, made me fall to my knees. A nurse said to me, ‘Get off the floor, it’s so dirty.’ I was angry at her, I was angry at the hospital chaplain placing his eerie hand on my shoulder with no real comfort. No parent should have to write their child’s eulogy, or decide between a casket or an urn. I had absolutely no idea what I was doing.”
‘He looks oddly pale,’ I said. I thought it was bad lighting. I felt him. Cold as ice. His father slammed the window shut. I couldn’t stop screaming!’
“Our truck had been broken into, so we packed up our son and went to a nearby shop. I took pictures of him sleeping in the car seat as we waited. That night, his father worked overnight. When he came home at 7 a.m., I heard him say the worst words you could ever hear.”
‘We were forced into an abortion. ‘Don’t hold her too close. Your warmth and heartbeat will confuse her into staying alive.’ We were left alone with our baby as the staff waited for her die.’
“I was given 2 tablets. At 3:43 p.m., I delivered a baby girl. The image seared in my mind is of her little arm stretching into the air. She was alive. ALIVE. Surely, the nurse wasn’t going to let her die, right? But as our girl fought to stay alive, nobody on staff seemed to care.”
‘The day my baby died, I won tickets to build her a bear. ‘Can I still use them even though she passed?’ Their response? ‘No. The guest must be present.’ My heart shattered in a million pieces.’
“It felt like the perfect thing to do in order to honor and remember her. All I wanted was my baby back. I wanted to be like all the other moms who get to cuddle and snuggle their baby after they are born. A simple no would’ve been okay, but their words felt like a stab to the heart.”
‘Unsafe and idiotic,’ is how they described it. I was hurt. I cried heavy tears all night. This neighborhood has been such a safe space for me since my son died. Evil will not win.’
“This is heartbreaking. Each year on the anniversary of my son’s death, we hold a small memorial for him. Last night, I had a confrontation with our neighbors, a husband and a wife, on our street, who threatened to ‘report’ us if we do our memorial this year.”
‘I peeked in her bedroom. As I walked closer, I looked at her white feet and knew something was wrong. My brain snapped.’ Mother tragically loses daughter to Sudden Unexplained Death in Childhood
“‘I’m sorry, we have to do this when a child dies in the home. It’s so hard for you,’ the investigator said. They found no cause of death. It is so rare, and the last thing I want to do is cause fear in someone else, but it’s a very real and possible thing that can happen.”
‘This is my baby now. ‘Mountain View Crematory 31934,’ it reads. It’s been 15 months since I held him as a body, and not as ashes in a bag.’
“‘I had a brother,’ they’ll say. Perhaps he’ll tell people about that morning, watching us screaming over his brother’s body. Or maybe he’ll hold that in his memories quietly, to spare others that sadness.”
‘I received a message that stopped me in my tracks and brought me to tears. Big, waterfall, sobbing tears. Scarlett would never want this for me. She was love and joy personified.’
“Hello, we were gifted a gift card in memory of Scarlett. I came across your family’s story. The date matches what the man mentioned. I was very stressed, adding numbers in my head trying to get my daughter what she needed for school when this happened. I sat in my car afterwards and cried.”
‘I rose as normal and glanced at the clock. ‘Let me wake her and change her diaper.’ I drop to my knees. 911 operator: ‘Whats your emergency?’ I scream, ‘My baby’s not breathing!’
“I desperately breathe air into my child. Medics rush in. Suddenly, I hear voices, machines. I’m listening for that cry I know. Everything pauses. They wrap her in a soft white blanket, slowly walking towards me as if presenting a gift. I push back, pleading with tears. I beg the doctors to try just a little longer.”
