“Right now it feels hopeless. As you hold your lifeless baby in your arms, you’re silently pleading for a miracle you know won’t come. You’re aching, screaming inside. Every tear that falls on his still face feels like a piece of your soul trying to seep life back into him. Every breath you take feels like betrayal. How can you, when he is not. I know.”
‘This morning, your son died. You stare at the ceiling, hoping your nightmare will be over. I know.’: Mom pens haunting letter to her ‘past self’ warning of grief she’s about to endure
‘She’s not breathing!’ I woke to my husband violently shaking, holding our lifeless baby. I call the coroner for answers every day. It’s a ritual.’: Mom loses daughter to SIDS, says she was ‘ripped away with zero explanation’
“I writhed and wailed on the cold hospital floor. ‘I killed my baby. Oh God, I killed my baby!’ We had no answers. My husband said something about the moonlight shining through the window on her face that gave him an eerie feeling. He turned on the lamp next to our bed, and made the spine-chilling discovery. I used to joke my day was a success if my kids were alive and asleep by 10. Now I think about how carelessly I jested about their survival and I’m nauseated.”
‘3 months after our son’s death, I was unexpectedly pregnant again. We couldn’t believe it. We couldn’t fathom having another child.’: Mom says she was ‘destroyed’ after SIDS loss, but newborn daughter ‘saved me’
“We stood in a field having our gender reveal photos taken. I was 17 weeks pregnant. We shared our announcement photos. A year later to the day, he was gone. We said that was it, we were done. But, 11 months after he left this earth, his sister was due to arrive.”
‘I saw my kids dead, over and over. It was my constant fear.’: Mom suffers severe PTSD after losing daughter to Sudden Unexplained Death in Childhood
“I lived in terror after my daughter died. I had to turn on the light every 5 minutes to check on my kids, because I knew for certain one of them had stopped breathing. I didn’t realize I had PTSD. I just felt like I was losing my mind. I was so stressed, the panic just kept coming. Many people think PTSD only happens to soldiers. It doesn’t.”
‘Mom she’s gone, I just know.’ I sat on my stairs with my front door open, in shock.’: How this ‘broken’ mother helps other parents of child loss heal after her own tragedy
“Seeing my sweet baby girl laying in a huge bed, much too big for her, made me fall to my knees. A nurse said to me, ‘Get off the floor, it’s so dirty.’ I was angry at her, I was angry at the hospital chaplain placing his eerie hand on my shoulder with no real comfort. No parent should have to write their child’s eulogy, or decide between a casket or an urn. I had absolutely no idea what I was doing.”
‘He looks oddly pale,’ I said. I thought it was bad lighting. I felt him. Cold as ice. His father slammed the window shut. I couldn’t stop screaming!’
“Our truck had been broken into, so we packed up our son and went to a nearby shop. I took pictures of him sleeping in the car seat as we waited. That night, his father worked overnight. When he came home at 7 a.m., I heard him say the worst words you could ever hear.”
‘We were forced into an abortion. ‘Don’t hold her too close. Your warmth and heartbeat will confuse her into staying alive.’ We were left alone with our baby as the staff waited for her die.’
“I was given 2 tablets. At 3:43 p.m., I delivered a baby girl. The image seared in my mind is of her little arm stretching into the air. She was alive. ALIVE. Surely, the nurse wasn’t going to let her die, right? But as our girl fought to stay alive, nobody on staff seemed to care.”
‘The day my baby died, I won tickets to build her a bear. ‘Can I still use them even though she passed?’ Their response? ‘No. The guest must be present.’ My heart shattered in a million pieces.’
“It felt like the perfect thing to do in order to honor and remember her. All I wanted was my baby back. I wanted to be like all the other moms who get to cuddle and snuggle their baby after they are born. A simple no would’ve been okay, but their words felt like a stab to the heart.”
‘Unsafe and idiotic,’ is how they described it. I was hurt. I cried heavy tears all night. This neighborhood has been such a safe space for me since my son died. Evil will not win.’
“This is heartbreaking. Each year on the anniversary of my son’s death, we hold a small memorial for him. Last night, I had a confrontation with our neighbors, a husband and a wife, on our street, who threatened to ‘report’ us if we do our memorial this year.”
‘I peeked in her bedroom. As I walked closer, I looked at her white feet and knew something was wrong. My brain snapped.’ Mother tragically loses daughter to Sudden Unexplained Death in Childhood
“‘I’m sorry, we have to do this when a child dies in the home. It’s so hard for you,’ the investigator said. They found no cause of death. It is so rare, and the last thing I want to do is cause fear in someone else, but it’s a very real and possible thing that can happen.”
