“Then I thought about the night my father left. He came home and told my mother he’d been having an affair, and that he was leaving. I remember it being church quiet. It was an eerie, weighty silence I didn’t understand then.”
‘You both seemed fine.’ I said. ‘Were you two fighting behind closed doors or something?’ I was on the phone with a divorced friend. I didn’t know what to say. She’d been married 13 years.’
‘Just as I was attempting to fall asleep, I heard my oldest son whimpering in his room. This is so unusual that I raced down the hallway to check on him.’
“I cried a little bit thinking about my dad and how much I miss him and wish he were here. I fell asleep for a bit, but a weird dream jolted me awake. There were some creaks. Then, there was silence.”
‘The doctor starts clicking away on the ultrasound machine, trying to get a better look. ‘Well, you are pregnant.’ He said it looked ‘good.’ Then, he went silent.’
“I woke up at 1 a.m. on our wedding anniversary, and felt like I needed to go to the bathroom. This wasn’t unusual. I had been pregnant for over a month. But something didn’t feel right.”
‘We had a school lockdown. We weren’t sure if it was a drill. Something seemed off. It was rushed and abrupt. I had pangs of worry, but didn’t show it.’
“One tall football player who looked like a grown man, beard and all, pressed me with questions I didn’t want to answer. The classroom was full, and all eyes were on me. A group text with my colleagues had begun. Rumors of a gun in the school. My insides knotted up.”
‘I felt something hit me from behind, specifically the right side of my butt. A group of guys were walking behind me. They snickered. I heard someone say, ‘Do it again.”
“I was wearing a long, velvet skirt – I could feel it all – and the heat of his hand.”
You’re Going To Miss It
One day you’re going to miss it. One day there will be a peaceful silence while you go to the bathroom instead of small hands busting through the door or someone wailing bloody murder outside with an owie until you jump off the toilet holding your pants in a panic. One day you’ll miss the …
