single mama

‘I didn’t feel safe in my own home. It took 3 years for me to find the courage to ask for a divorce. I developed stomach ulcers from all the stress. The end was inevitable.’

“I had experienced years of him ‘bending’ the truth, of him telling me I was ‘too much,’ trying to diagnose me with different types of mental illness. Little did I know, there was more to come. I found reserves I never knew I had, but that’s what moms do. We do everything possible to make sure our children don’t get hurt.”

‘I’m scared. I don’t want to do this without you,’ I told him. ‘This isn’t goodbye. I love you so much. I have no regrets.’ I was in denial. He was the best thing that ever happened to me.’

“We dated for 4 months, were engaged for 6 months and got married. Now we were in the hospital. I walked down the long, cold hallways to see my husband, my heart pounding out of my chest. I saw it right away. He was not the same. Something had changed. This is where I came undone. I was losing him.”

‘You catch this baby, or I will.’ My son’s father fainted. He woke up, saw our newborn, then left to smoke. He returned smelling of cheap beer and cigarettes.’

“‘I’m taking our son,’ he said. It was snowing and he was wasted. ‘He will not take my child like this.’ My grandmother walked in from church. ‘Take my son and lock yourself in your room!,’ I screamed. He got in his car and sped off, fish-tailing down the snow-covered road. Hours later, he returned.”

‘Hours shy of our wedding, at 5 months pregnant, I was assaulted. My fiancé sat in the fetal position, berating himself. ‘I don’t know what is wrong with me,’ he said, begging me to forgive him.’

“With 3 children, I filed for divorce. It meant food stamps. We all shared the same bed. I decided to do the craziest thing – leave a stable job to fly for the airlines. Single moms don’t do that, right? As I shut down the engine, I could hear my kids yelling, ‘Mommy!’ I was not broken.”

‘He had filed for divorce without my knowledge, and was granted full custody. Everything was chaos. It was my worst nightmare. I had to drop my 18-month-old daughter off with strangers.’

“I remember panic started to set in. Time went by, and no one showed up. Finally someone answered his phone. My knees buckled. I dropped to the ground. They weren’t coming. They wouldn’t tell me where she was. My daughter cried in the background. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t breathe. I didn’t know if I would ever see her again.”

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