“I ended up at a nearby Jack in the Box where my mom was waiting for me. I had made plans with her to meet, but had no intention of actually going. I instantly got an overwhelming sensation. The hair on my arms stood up. I felt a warmth crawl up my spine, and tears flowed down cheeks. I felt hope.”
‘Before I got out of the car she took a picture of me. ‘In case I never get to see you again,’ she said. She started crying. I was so sick of making my mom cry.’
‘At 19, I got pregnant and relapsed. My son wasn’t enough to stop me. I continued to use behind his back. I went back to hiding it, and was caught by my son’s father.’
“My friend introduced me to a better way to get high: injecting. He left when I got pregnant. I looked at myself in the mirror. ‘What are you doing? You are worth so much more.’ I wanted my kids to have love, but first, I had to find it myself.”
‘I heard two words: ‘fugitive felon.’ I caught my son’s eye. His shackles made my stomach flutter uncontrollably. His public defender smoothed her beige suit, and approached him.’
“The severely criminal charge was, in fact, a reference to my 24-year-old. I never imagined that term would apply to him. An unexpected call helped me through his transfer to prison. It had been weeks without contact when I answered the unfamiliar number. I fought back tears. He told me how much my son loved me.”
‘I told her, ‘I’m looking for a ‘suit.’ He’s an ex-felon, an addict, covered in ink, going through a divorce, currently unemployed. Yeah, No!’ We married just 3 months later.’
“I clicked into his profile. ‘Hi.’ His response was, ‘Who is this?’ He would disappear for long periods of time – sometimes years – and no one knew if he was alive or dead. Just 6 days after meeting him, I was on pins and needles. I finally called. When he answered, I could hear the difference in his voice. I’m telling you, he was magic.”
‘I woke up on the floor of a hotel room. My buddy was lying there on the floor next to me. Dead.’
“Why I didn’t die, I have no idea. I suffered a serious head injury that evening. I firmly believe I was hit over the head. All I could think about was my daughter growing up without a father, and my family standing over my casket.”
‘Miss, I have your father’s autopsy results,’ the coroner said. ‘He felt absolutely nothing.’ I quickly asked, ‘It wasn’t an overdose?!’ ‘No drugs were detected, ma’am.’ I cried hysterically.’
“‘We can’t reach him,’ he said. My grandpa was at my dad’s apartment trying to get in. Police arrived. ‘Do we have permission to break in?’ The officer kicked the door down. ‘Dad!,’ my sister screamed. A police officer held our grandpa back. ‘Dana wake him up, get him up!’ All she could say was, ‘Grandpa, I am so sorry.'”
‘I was sitting in a hotel room. I had on a tight black dress, listening to my client say what ‘he wants to do.’ My gut was screaming to leave, but if I left, there is no money, and my ‘boss’ will be upset.’
“I begged my loving and supportive parents to please take me home. I begged and pleaded with my dad and promised I’d be good. But there were 11 charges, and a few were felonies. Bail was set at a million dollars.”
‘My son got into trouble. He was missing for days and taken into custody. There were countless sleepless nights. I wasn’t sure how I’d make it until morning. But, I did. I would be okay.’
“I was confronted by a family member with two large garbage bags. It was a relief I’d finally been caught. I’d wonder how I had gotten a fat lip and had blood all over my face, the night before team pictures for my 5-year-old’s soccer team.”
‘I’ll give you a 6-pack if you meet with me and drive around.’ I said, ‘Ok, I’ll be back later tonight.’ My heart was racing thinking about getting into a car with a man I don’t know. But I was desperate.’
“I can still feel the chilly air on my face. All I really wanted to do was go home. ‘Why did I get myself into this?,’ I thought. We stopped at hotels. He tried to force me, but I was able to push him off and say ‘no’ enough times. He was nice enough to stop.”
‘Daddy, why does mommy sleep all the time now?’ Things I swore I’d never do, I started doing. ‘Mommy, you asked us the same questions three times!’ My husband begged me.’
“While Carl was out of town, I called him, but I don’t even remember. I knew I’d scared him. He’d felt helpless thousands of miles away while I was home with the kids. For the first time ever, I felt selfish.”
