“Angelica was admitted into the hospital for emergency surgery. As I was leaving all of my emotions hit me. I felt so overwhelmed, my newborn baby was in the hospital, and now my wife. I felt helpless.”
‘I was talking to and rubbing my belly. ‘I’m thankful for you. I love you no matter what. You are my child, and I will treat you as I would treat any child, even if I have to do this by myself.’
‘She is literally an angel from heaven. But We. Were. Terrified. Instead of leaving the doctor smiling, we were scared. ‘There’s something wrong with the baby!,’ we sobbed.
“I was a first-grade teacher. My students didn’t know anything was wrong with the baby. It was difficult. They didn’t understand why I was out so often, why I wasn’t myself. I felt isolated. Alone. Misunderstood.”
‘Mommy am I going to get so sick that I die?’ These words tumbled from his lips, my heart broke into a million pieces. All I could do was hold him close as tears ran down my face.’
“I spent many a night convincing myself the diagnosis was wrong. I mean doctors mess up test results all the time, right? At first the guilt of knowing we passed on the gene for this condition was all-consuming. Even though we had no idea, we still blamed ourselves.”
‘It could be worse.’ Yes. It could be worse. No, I didn’t lose my child. But our children, my child, have lost a lot.’
“Some of you are screaming at me right now, ‘WE GET IT – YOU HAVE A SPECIAL NEEDS CHILD.’ But I wonder still, do you get it? We don’t know if we will ever get to hear him say ‘I love you.'”
‘There is no rush. They may never get to do this again, holding their baby like this.’ As we admired him, there was a quiet heaviness. He looked different. My husband already knew.’
“Had we delivered at a hospital, he would have been taken from me immediately. My heart also aches in pain but I could not possibly foresee what was to come.”
‘Are you prepared to take care of someone with an EXTREME disability?,’ she asked while practically rolling her eyes. It wasn’t a question. It was more of an accusation.’
“His head was shaped differently, his ears were low set and he had an extra thumb on his hand. ‘Did anybody see this?,’ I asked. My midwife nodded.”
‘Once again, my cousin was pregnant and expecting a boy. She was due 6 months after me. She was in a toxic relationship with a man hooked on drugs.’
“We found out she was pregnant with baby number 5. She had decided she just couldn’t parent the kids. My husband and I knew we couldn’t do two babies so close together. My son was only 11 months. Having three kids, two of whom had special needs, it just was too much on us.”
‘I have to take him and run!’ We were worried, but he was perfect. 10 fingers, 10 toes, a head full of black hair. I thought, ‘There’s no way. She’s crazy.’
“My baby didn’t look like my baby. You know that feeling where you’re so shocked you could cry, but nothing comes out? That’s where I was. I was stuck between wanting to crumble to the ground in disbelief, and wanting to smile because my baby made it.”
‘It’s a bambino!’ I was like, ‘what??’ All I saw was all the HAIR she had! Then 5 seconds later, she was whisked way to the NICU.’
“When I first looked at her, I knew something was different. I asked my husband, ‘What did you think when you went to see her?’ He replied, ‘She’s just so perfect and beautiful.’ I couldn’t shake what was in the back of my mind.”
‘I noticed she was losing color. ‘Something’s happening’, I screamed! ‘She’s going blue. I don’t think she’s breathing!’ My heart was racing. ‘Is she choking? Flip her around. Do something!’
“I watched her face in absolute horror. SHE WAS NOT BREATHING. ‘No, no, no, no! Amelia, breathe!’ She wasn’t just blue, she was lifeless. ‘Start CPR, I’m calling 911,’ I told my husband as I ran to get to my phone.”
