“It felt like a bomb went off in our family. My head was swirling with fear, confusion, doubt. We went from being a carefree couple that traveled to full-time caregivers of a medically complex child. Call it intuition, gut instinct. I had no idea what to do or how to do it, but I knew with absolute certainty I was ready.”
‘I found myself divorced and single at 40, no kids. I didn’t want to wait any longer! As my adoption match fell apart, I fell in love. Life changed overnight.’ Woman takes in special needs stepson after mother’s sudden death
‘IT’S A GIRL!’ Suddenly I hear the words, ‘What about the cleft,’ and then deafening silence.’: Mother discovers shocking diagnosis after daughter’s birth
“My baby’s face was still hidden. I shot straight up, and that’s when I saw my baby girl for the first time. The world stopped. ‘Babe look…’ All I heard was silence. ‘Babe look,’ ‘babe look.’ My mom was screaming at my husband. His eyes were glazed over. ‘Everything’s okay, she’s perfect and she’ll be okay.’”
‘Charlie?! CHARLIE!’ My son wouldn’t look at me anymore. I didn’t even recognize him. My entire world came crashing down. The doctor told me ‘not to worry’. I later learned how wrong she was.’
“It all happened so fast. He stopped speaking altogether. I wasn’t hearing his sweet little voice saying ‘thank you’ after I gave him a cookie. He didn’t like to be touched anymore. He avoided people, even us, his parents. I wasn’t prepared to hear the diagnosis. It hit me hard. My jaw dropped.”
‘After I delivered, my doctor handed me my girl. I did not see it. In all of my medical training, I could not tell. She was the most beautiful baby I had ever seen. She was PERFECT.’
“I am a Southern girl and a doctor and I’m used to having it all together. I turned everyone away from the hospital that day, including my sister. I thought I had ruined our lives. I thought I had done something so terrible my husband and child were being punished.”
‘As I lay on the operating table, I heard the ONE word I dreaded. They wrapped him up, brought him over. I began to sob. ‘How can my heart be rejoicing and breaking at the same time?!’
“The room began spinning. I was thrilled to have my baby but terrified by the words used to describe him. Unlike his older brother’s birth, not one person came to see him. No flowers were delivered. No one knew what to say, so they said nothing. On that day, my life became defined by two words. Before and after.”
‘The day my baby died, I won tickets to build her a bear. ‘Can I still use them even though she passed?’ Their response? ‘No. The guest must be present.’ My heart shattered in a million pieces.’
“It felt like the perfect thing to do in order to honor and remember her. All I wanted was my baby back. I wanted to be like all the other moms who get to cuddle and snuggle their baby after they are born. A simple no would’ve been okay, but their words felt like a stab to the heart.”
‘I am Retarded.’
“One of the staff members decided it would be beneficial for her to wear a medal around her neck that read this. She suggested the staff member wear a medal around HER neck that read, ‘I am Ordinary.’ She was a legend.”
‘I heard her in the hall, talking about the ‘awful day’ she was having, and all the’ rough news’ she was having to break to families. When she entered, everything changed.’
“‘Can my day just be done?,’ I heard her say. She then said a word that took me by surprise, and scared me: ‘Abort.’”
‘She ran her hand across his sweet face. ‘No eyebrows and eyelashes,’ she said. I hadn’t noticed his lack of hair until that moment. Nor any other ‘abnormalities.’ Fear consumed my mind.’
“The nurse came to get us and took us to a different room. The doctor then came in with news that quickly turned our cloud 9 experience of joy and excitement to fear. There was a concern.”
‘Looking at the photos, all I could think was, ‘She’s gorgeous!’ I saw her, not her disability. I sent them to my husband. I still remember his immediate words.’
“She was legally free. Our parents advised against it. ‘Your kid won’t be able to give back to you or support you when you’re old.’ ‘It’s too risky.’ I couldn’t understand why that mattered more than giving a child a home.”
