“You ever open a drawer to see two little hands cradling a rolling pin? I did. You can imagine my disgust when I saw this… these little claws. Guess who got the call? Yep. Poor hubby.”
‘There’s tiny hands in the drawer. Maybe it’s my medication and I’m finally losing it, but I can see tiny black hands.’ 5 minute long pause. ‘What? ‘It’s probably a toy.’ ‘NO, IT’S MOVING! IT’S PLOTTING OUR DEATHS.’
‘Yes, I punched my child, but I did it out of love. It was a subconscious effort to battle my ridiculous fear of spiders and save my child from being eaten whole.’
“My baby is sitting in the flowers. ALL OF A SUDDEN, A MASSIVE WOLF SPIDER MAKES HIS DEBUT ON HER MOTHER LOVIN’ DRESS! It sees me, I see him, and we lock eyes.”
‘I call Leo in. He looks at it, cocks his little head to the side. And then, obviously, I yelled at it. The spider ran. Leo starts screaming. The louder he screams, the faster the spider pursued him.’
“Let me share with y’all a massive mom fail I experienced. I noticed this toy for sale. They’re called ‘Yellies’ and the louder you yell at it, the faster it goes. Being the mother of a naturally loud and boisterous kid, I thought it would be the perfect Christmas present…”
