still birth

‘We were forced into an abortion. ‘Don’t hold her too close. Your warmth and heartbeat will confuse her into staying alive.’ We were left alone with our baby as the staff waited for her die.’

“I was given 2 tablets. At 3:43 p.m., I delivered a baby girl. The image seared in my mind is of her little arm stretching into the air. She was alive. ALIVE. Surely, the nurse wasn’t going to let her die, right? But as our girl fought to stay alive, nobody on staff seemed to care.”

‘I stood in line, filling the medication that would remove the life within me. I looked at my fiancé. ‘I’m going home and grabbing my camera.’ If I didn’t do this, I’d regret it for the rest of my life.’

“I headed to the hospital. I remember being in the room, feeling blood dripping from my body. I watched my friend’s body bleed simultaneously, signs of life, as she waited to bring her baby into the world. A life leaving and a life beginning all in the same room at the same moment. I was transfixed.”

‘Today is the day I get to meet Abigail!’ I’m excited! Her tone is bleak, she begins to cry. ‘Abigail didn’t make it.’: Father’s anguish over losing child, ‘drifting apart’ from daughter’s mother after ‘trauma’

“A text comes to me about 11:24. It reads, ‘Are you at work? Can you call me?’ Abigail’s mother no longer wanted to be around me. I was a reminder of our trauma. It was devastating because now I feel completely erased from her life as if nothing ever happened. I constantly dream of the family that almost was.”

‘There’s not just one healthy baby. There’s TWO!’ My husband fell to the floor in shock. I had a huge pit in the bottom of my stomach. ‘There must be some mistake!’ 

“She stepped out of the room to give my OB a call. My mind went crazy. She must’ve been calling for backup. I was crying in complete confusion. Two? TWINS? No one gets pregnant and thinks ‘Yay! I’m going to have babies!’ It’s always, ‘Yay! I’m going to have A baby!’ But I had this strange feeling in my chest.”

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