still born

‘I told the nurse, ‘Tie my tubes. I’m done, I don’t ever want to do this again!’ I begged my fiancé to find another woman. ‘I just can’t do it, I’m sorry.’: Woman births rainbow baby after still birth, 3 miscarriages

“At 18, I’d miscarried 3 times. Here I was, at risk of losing another baby. My OB said, ‘Your plan was to have a baby and bring a baby home. I know you still want that.’ Each month, I counted his kicks the way kids count raindrops on a car window. I texted my mom, ‘I can’t do this. What if I’m making a mistake?’ It was go time. I closed my eyes as tight as I could, clenched my teeth, and pushed.”

‘May your children please step out?’ The ultrasound tech seemed irritated. I was congratulated and given a death sentence all in one.’: Grieving mom knits miniature crochet hats for angel babies

“I pegged it as her being annoyed I had my kids with me at the hospital. I later realized she was just trying to keep it together. Smiles quickly faded as doctors, nurses, and specialists crowded in the room. I called my mom in the middle of her workday. ‘What’s going on? Is everyone okay?’ For the first time ever, I answered, ‘No.’ It was soul-crushing. My baby and I were both at risk.”

‘Can’t you just cut him out?’ It hit me. I have to give birth to my dead son. He was so beautiful.’: Mom ‘didn’t get a conclusive reason’ for child’s death, ‘the autopsy showed a perfectly healthy, fully formed baby boy’

“He had big hands and feet, chubby little cheeks, a perfect button nose, bright red lips and a little dimple chin. My fiancé burst into tears. ‘I’m absolutely heartbroken.’ We both were. The last words I said to our beautiful boy were, ‘You are absolutely perfect, our darling boy. We are so lucky to be your mommy and daddy. We love you so much.’ We didn’t get a conclusive reason for Ari’s death. The autopsy showed a perfectly healthy baby boy.”

‘I placed him in a box, handing him off to a stranger. ‘I love you, Ren,’ I whispered to my son.’: Father tearfully recalls needing to be the ‘superhero’ after losing newborn, ‘I began to break’

“As my wife looked at his little face, she asked me to hand her a wet washcloth. Confused, I then watched as she began to softly dab his little dried up lips. She nurtured and cared for our little boy’s fragile body. I have so much gratitude to this woman. How strong she is. Not only did she say hello to our son for the first time, but soon, she was going to be forced to say goodbye. The thought haunted me.”

‘He had curly blond hair, a perfect nose, pouty lips. They told me he was beautiful. I didn’t get to see.’: Mother survives ‘worst trauma’ after losing newborn son, insists daughter will grow up knowing big brother is ‘watching over her’

“I made the decision not to see and hold Jensen. It’s one of my biggest regrets I’ll ever have in my life. Honestly, I didn’t know how I could do it. I didn’t realize the permanence of him being really gone. Instead, I asked for a lock of his hair, and for them to take pictures of him. I wish I could go back to that moment, spend time kissing him. I wish I could’ve whispered in his ear, ‘I love you.’”

‘Where did you get these?’ I knew. ‘Ren’s nursery.’ He didn’t realize how serious I was. ‘Put them back.’: Wife unexpectedly triggered by husband’s attempt at act of kindness, ‘It was all downhill from there’

“We ran out of toilet paper and Tommy was supposed to go to the store. Irritated, I asked him to get me something to use. Maybe a paper towel? He finally walks in holding a pack of wipes. They were a very specific kind, Huggies all-natural wipes. I started tearing up. ‘Put them back, please.’ He laughed and insisted I used them. He didn’t realize how serious I was until I started bawling. Something in his room was now out of place.”

‘Has she been active? When did she last move?’ They laid her in my arms. Her little body already changed.’: Couple loses daughter in tragic ‘freak accident’ still birth, ‘I will not get over it’over it’

“She was perfectly formed. She had long, narrow toes like her Mama, full beautiful lips like her Daddy. It took my breath away. I was in love. But our sweet baby wasn’t there. We held and kissed her 1,000 times. ‘We will miss you every moment of our lives,’ we told her. I could almost hear her coo. We said goodbye to her little body. They carried her away.”

‘Can I see my boy for one more goodbye?’ A nurse gave him his first and only haircut. He was truly perfect.’: Couple loses son to stillbirth, anxious about new pregnancy, ‘My first is in heaven, I’ll meet him there someday’

“We rushed into the emergency room. I was bleeding so badly I thought I was going to die right there in the hospital alone. My husband was stuck checking me in for what seemed like forever. The events that happened next took place so fast, but as I look back on it now, the initial care I was given makes me so mad and sad. Once she finally realized the severity of what was happening, she ran for back up. I wanted to follow him right up to heaven. I begged God to take me too.”

‘When’s the baby coming?’ My face turns red. I’m not pregnant. I miscarried back to back and gained 40 pounds in grief weight.’: Woman battling infertility reminds us ‘words have weight’

“I’m in Starbucks. I manage a smile and lie. ‘Soon.’ I rush out the door, no coffee in hand, and cry in my jeep. ‘When are you having kids?’ ‘Have kids already!’ ‘I’m ready to be a grandma. The clock is ticking!’ they say. But when I stillbirth? No questions, words. Just silence. My husband battles silent resent. ‘No baby, no marriage.’ These weren’t the vows I signed up for.”

‘No one can take this pain away, so I must take it away myself. Lay me next to my daughter.’: Mom speaks candidly of ‘suicidal thoughts’ in wake of stillbirth, ‘I wouldn’t wish this on anyone’

“There are no visible wounds, but the pain courses through my entire being. I breathe in through my nose, blow out of my mouth. I’m alive, but being alive without my daughter hurts. I can’t wipe the tears away. It’s too much effort. I can’t move, even if I wanted to. I don’t want to pee. Eat. Shower. Brush my teeth. I see my dad’s face, and he wants me here. To hold on. To live.”

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