still born

‘I just felt her fingers and toes moving!’ Those movements would be her last. I hold on to them every day.’: Mom loses daughter to Placenta Previa, says grief is a ‘life-long process’

“I sat, alone, doing an ultrasound which looked like nothing. I’d lost all of my amniotic fluid, but my baby was still alive. The doctor told me she had a 1% chance of survival and to not keep any hope. ‘After delivery, what do you want to do with her? Here’s the arrangement options.’ In my mind, I was still holding onto that 1%. It took 2 hours to fully deliver her. It was quiet, sorrowful. I leaned up at one point and could see her legs, lifeless.”

‘She looked at me and said, ‘Mommy I heard you crying. Are you ok?’ ‘The baby is in heaven now.’: Family strives to overcome pregnancy loss

“We said our final goodbyes by attending a shared burial. Our baby, along with 30 or so others, were buried all together in a beautiful little white casket. At the end of the service, each family had a chance to spend a few moments with all the babies in the casket. My husband, the girls and I all walked hand-in-hand slowly up front.”

‘My baby was born perfect, except for the knot in her umbilical cord. That day I was introduced to 2 concepts: stillbirth and grief.’: Mom loses daughter at birth, thanks friends who ‘saved her life’

“What I didn’t know was my daughter had died earlier that morning. After what I had thought was a normal day, a sonogram showed a black and white blob of static, unmoving, rather than the beating of her little heart. Grief has been called a journey, but journey’s imply an endpoint, a destination. Grief is more like an ocean; it’s being thrashed around by waves, trying to come up for air, in a world where you must learn how to swim.”

‘You promise you’ll hang a wind chime for my son?’ I felt each syllable. His shaky jaw dropped against my shoulder.’: Nurse hangs wind chimes to honor each ‘angel baby’ she delivers

“For a year, it’s been my greatest honor to litter chimes among tree leaves where hummingbirds fly. You and your husband know this. Shared from one of the private corridors of my heart. Spilled out of my trembling mouth during one of our many discussions of how Nurses behave at home. How we process bad outcomes. How we offload shifts like the very one I was in the middle of. Dead babies are not supposed to happen to us, but here you are. A nurse. One of us. Your son was my 21st wind chime.”

‘Mama, it’s beautiful!’ I felt sick to my stomach. There’s nothing normal about cemetery shopping for your baby.’: Mom tragically recounts losing daughter during pregnancy

“It was obvious her condition was worsening. I found myself awake, begging God to let me sleep. The next day I had yet another doctor’s appointment. This time I met my sister in the parking lot of the hospital, and we walked nervously in together. Both of us were fighting back tears. The nurse searched to find her heartbeat. My eyes met my sister’s when we thought we heard it, but we didn’t.”

‘My leg is tingling!’ The morphine wore off. My heartbeat stopped, then my baby’s. I blacked out.’: Mom suffers from PTSD after child loss, now pregnant with rainbow baby, ‘I will always love her’

“I was so close to death. Around 2 a.m. my labor completely kicked in. I fell back asleep until I felt something ‘down there.’ I moved my hand and felt my daughter’s head. ‘They couldn’t find a heartbeat.’ Not a dry eye ever left my room. I saw her still heart, the same heart chambers that were beating so perfectly just a month before. My baby girl was gone.”

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